December Will Be Magic Again

I have entitled this blog with a song title that Kate Bush wrote back in the late seventies – in homage to one of my favourite singers of all time, and because it is my blog and I can do what the hell I like – oh and because it is rather apt too.

Well, generally, December is the month of plenty with regards to gigs - unfortunately not this weekend, giving what I know and what I had to deal with I should’ve pulled the duvet over my head and not surfaced until Monday morning.

 Friday night was going to be a local gig, at a venue recently played that was very well received previously – I was more excited because my sound system had been upgraded by Cherry – I was like a pig in the proverbial...gadgetry galore and all mine, MINE!  Cherry was halfway through getting ready before the bombshell was dropped.  I had all the kit up and working (I was pleased that I remembered which cable went where and the system was bouncing with cheesy Xmas tunes), when the organiser said he was cancelling...not a good start to the Xmas season, especially with the possibility of a hernia after lugging the new equipment around...and all for nothing!

However, all was not lost! Cherry had been booked for a gig in London – we don’t get to do London very often and any opportunity is grabbed.  The only thing I had not bargained on was the drive straight through London!!! As a West Londoner (that has escaped) and after having worked for the majority of my working career in central London, I vowed never to drive through London again. Well that went to the wall as the dominatrix on the sat-nav demanded I drive straight through, past various landmarks of my career – I pointed out jobs on the way that I had priced for and had been the surveyor on, such as the re-paving of the taxi rank in front of Baker Street tube station; I was awarded a look of non-plussed disregard from hubby, which was interrupted by Miss Whiplash demanding that I drive straight ahead!!!  I took the hint, shut up and drove....

The venue was in Hackney - we were met by the organiser and directed to Cherry’s dressing room, which remarkably resembled and smelt like the gents urinal...and was also to be shared with the two strippers...and it was not the most spacious of areas either.  After spraying the room with something that didn’t smell like pee, Cherry started getting ready. I made myself busy getting Cherry’s costumes ready, hanging them off the bars of the recently painted windows (tres chic)  and ensuring that they didn’t fall into any damp patches on the floor – smelling of pee when you are in your thirties is not a good thing, especially someone else’s.

It was not the most salubrious of venues, even the Ann Summers rep looked like she was tooled up just in case anything kicked off!  It wasn’t the easiest of venues either, as it was a huge U shape and Cherry could only manage to play to 50% of the audience at any one time – but worse was to come.  The night was marred by someone in the audience stealing £300 from the organiser’s handbag, which in turn amounted to total chaos...I felt like an extra on a re-run of Shameless, and was subject to a major cockney cacophony of shrill inebriated ladies making threats and demands simultaneously, whilst allegations flew left right and centre !! 

Needless to say the police got involved (i.e. turned up and looked surly) but as we weren’t under suspicion we were allowed to leave and make our way back to Worcestershire.  The drive home was long and the events of the last 48 hours had put a major dent into our Christmas spirits – the London gig being marred by the theft, the cancellation of the Friday gig, our confidence had taken a bit of a shoeing. However, as I genuinely do believe, things can only get better as they certainly couldn’t get worse, but I also do believe that for us and Cherry, December Will Be Magic Again.

What's the Attraction?

Well, it has been quite a while since I have written anything for my blog, not that I haven’t got much to write about...on the contrary, I have far too much to write about in this weird scenario that I have in my life, that I actually find the concept of writing anything rather daunting.

Anyhow, enough of this rambling....

Hubby and I were having a conversation one evening recently and we ended up having a discussion about a rather strange issue that seems to pop up at frequent intervals during Cherry Darling’s performances. There are times, when perfectly rational (and generally sober) men, have actually become besotted with Cherry and have tried to become her significant other. I know! It surprises me, but it has really happened.  I did wonder if it was done as a sort of bet, or if they were just playing along, which of course does happen and that is understandable, however in some cases it gets a bit more serious than just flirting and buggering about, they want a relationship!

We always knew that a drag act is a bit of a “Marmite” experience, there would always be a split audience where drag queens were concerned – and it is generally men of a certain generation, around 50-60 years old, (not that I am judgmental or anything about these old blinkered gits...) who usually the negative outlook on this sort of entertainment and have the need to say something like, “Whoa careful, backs to the wall, here comes that tranny!” thinking that someone of such style and taste Like Mme Darling herself, would want to play tonsil hockey with some ageing social outcast, but not wanting to generalise (oh bugger it, it’s out there now...) they are what the general populace would refer to as “mingers”, with comb over hair, very few of their own teeth, halitosis that could floor a rhino, with the dress sense of Hannibal Lecter – mask optional.

But we are not going to waste anymore time talking about these myopic deadbeats, although it’s good fun, but it is the flip side of that coin, it’s those guys who become besotted by Cherry - straight, gay, (even a lesbian once made advances) it astounds me that such an attraction can occur with someone, who for all intents and purposes, is a bloke in a dress!!

I do admit that there have been times where men, who are slightly worse for wear, do actually mistake Cherry for a woman and make advances.  Of course, Cherry plays along and enjoys the awkwardness when they actually find out.  There has even been one instance where Cherry has been actually out in drag, pulled a bloke and snogged him rotten, whilst his wife stood and watched on bemused (I have to say this is before we got together, however I have had it confirmed from a reliable source).  She tried to intervene, but Cherry told her to "wait outside until I have finished!!!" And she did too...

There have been numerous men on social network sites asking for dates, and more besides... men from both the straight and gay side of things have wanted Cherry to be their girlfriend, even when they knew ‘she’ was a ‘he’ who was civilly partnered, they didn’t care about that aspect - they wanted Cherry to be their significant other and they wanted to take her out and spoil her and bring her back home to me afterwards. It reminded me of a drag version of “Memoirs of a Geisha”, only with more makeup and less sushi.

The piece-de-resistance occurred last year, when Cherry was working in London at a party where a host of A-list celebrities had also been invited to, that an extremely wealthy, tuxedoed (and straight) gent actually proposed to her, knowing full well she was a cock in a frock.  Of course Cherry actually admitted to being married already and declined, much to this gent’s disappointment (and mine...we could’ve had a Sugar Daddy!!!) but the gender illusion has that much power it ceases to amaze me.

And I suppose you are wondering how I feel about all this unwanted attention? Well, to be honest, I just sit back and watch the events unfold, I just wish I had popcorn...

When Cherry is dressed and out there doing her thing I know it is an act – and to be perfectly honest I am not a jealous person, in my view it is a very negative emotion and causes a great deal of problems amongst couples and I have seen the damage it can cause. It does help that I am very reserved and sometimes people do worry and actually check to see if I am alive and to see there is still a pulse.  Of course there is a negative side to this attention, which has caused a number of people to stalk Cherry, which worried me, but so far has been managed and nothing major has occurred and long may it continue.  So long as everyone has a good time, feels good about themselves, enjoys the show and has a positive experience then it’s not a problem.

Also, whilst I am writing, I am going to mention that Cherry is going to appear on TV on The Weakest Link on Monday 3^rd October, on BBC2 at 2.15pm. I hope you tune in...

FAQs

I have only been involved with the Drag Scene for only a short while (and it’s always from a safe distance, off stage and entirely out of harm’s way of any DJ equipment...) but when the crowd know that I am Cherry’s real partner, I find myself in the midst of attention and have numerous questions fired at me, generally about my role in Cherry Darling’s life.  Some questions are quite thought provoking, and some are just downright smutty...although I usually do have a good ole laugh about it - usually at their expense - when they are stood there awaiting my response.  Well, I didn’t say I was polite about, it did I?

So I thought it would be fun to share with you some of the questions I have been asked and my general response to them.

Married To Drag FAQs

FAQ1.    What is your role when working with Cherry?

Basically, I assist where I can – am a runner for things if Cherry needs a drink or a kebab...I carry stuff to and from the car, I help Cherry dress as her intricate corsetry needs a burly man to help get it on...unfortunately we can never find one so I have to oblige...I set up and work the PA system (although I am not a DJ and no I don’t do requests...) and basically ensure Cherry gets to a venue on time and we leave the venue with the minimum of fuss after she has spent most of the evening offending the entire audience.

FAQ2.    You work the PA system sometimes when you are out with Cherry, are you very technically minded?

                Well, basically, you have to remember what plugs in where and be able to run ITunes for the songs – a trained chimp could do it...could you hand me that banana please??

FAQ3.    What do you like about the reaction that Cherry gets when she is out and about?

I like the fact it is very varied – women just flock around her and want make-up tips, young gay guys want to be adopted, and straight men just don’t know how to handle the situation. I have seen the majority take it in good stead, but it is typically straight men of 50+ years old that cannot handle it and vacate the premises – and when Cherry confronts them you can see them backing into a wall trying to dig themselves through using their shoulder blades.

FAQ4.    Has Cherry ever been out-bitched?

Not yet, no...although certain girls have tried and failed miserably - but so far the girls in Liverpool give as good as they get and still take it in good fun – so I would call that a stalemate there.  In the recent filming of Cherry on “The Weakest Link”, even the Queen of Mean herself was very strategically bitched at...but I am sure the BBC will edit it to not make it look like it was (not that I am a conspiracy theorist at all!!!!)

FAQ5.    Is Cherry your sister?

                Err, no! (And yes, I have actually been asked this...)

FAQ6.    Do you get dressed up in drag as well?

                No!

FAQ7.    Have you ever been tempted to drag up at all?

No, I would look like a trucker in a frock. Well I did once, but it was back at college and for charity...I pretended to be Cilla Black on Blind Date, and Kate Bush - not at the same time of course...

FAQ8.    No, honestly, have you ever been tempted, like, to ever get dressed up in Cherry’s stuff??

Not out of choice, however, if Hubby wants to see what shoes or hair looks like I have BRIEFLY modelled it for him so he gets to see what it looks like, but very rarely has that happened. And I have never tried any of the dresses on as that would be a fate worse than death.

FAQ9.    What about the make-up then?  Have you ever been made up using his make-up kit?

                Not by Hubby – no...     

FAQ10. What does that mean?

Weeeeeellll.....I was back stage with our friend and all round wonderful person, Lisa, and she dared me to wear some – well I re-enacted a scene from “My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding”, where a girl talks about getting on “her rouge, her lipstick and a beauty spot...”when Cherry walked in, looked at me in dismay, told me I looked a twat – and then waltzed off with the wipes so I couldn’t take it off...

FAQ11. Do you get anything out of seeing Cherry done up in drag?

Yeah, I am really proud that my Hubby has the balls to actually go out and entertain a crowd of people and make them laugh whilst wearing a dress - that takes some guts.

FAQ12. No, what I meant was, do you get any kinky sexual kick out of your Hubby dressed as Cherry?

I had gathered that - now pi** off you dirty pervert before I break your nose.

FAQ13. No – really – do you?

               NO!

FAQ14. Is Cherry high maintenance? You must have the patience of a Saint...

               No comment... and you have NO idea....

FAQ15. What’s it like living with your Hubby, but also with his alter-ego?

               Read my blog, and you will find out more (HINT!)

For Every "Up" There Is A "Down".

Being married to drag, there are times when I feel the support and assistance I give is for a really worthwhile career investment for Cherry - then there are times when you feel that it leaves you very disheartened and with a very nasty taste in your mouth – what I usually refer to as, “a bit of a pooh sandwich!!”

For instance, Cherry has been recently recruited by a show bar in Cardiff, to join the throng of a group of extremely talented drag artistes that perform there.

(I would love to know what the name for a collection of Drag Queens is. A gaggle? A herd? A drama?)  

I was extremely nervous for Cherry during her premiere there, but Cherry and I were welcomed very warmly by her Welsh peers and my fears were quickly allayed. It was all really nice and friendly - none of this Hollywood cliché, of a gang of semi-dressed divas, spitting venom at each other and crowding around one mirror with a mascara wand in one hand and a pair of stilettos in the other, but perhaps that’ll happen next time hopefully!!  Whatever happens I am really looking forward to it and I would recommend a night out at Minsky’s in Cardiff to you all, and if you ever see me in there, mine’s a southern comfort and diet coke, thanks !  

That was the up side.  However, for every up there has to be a down – pooh sandwich time....

 Hubby really wants to get back on to the theatre stage and went to audition for the role as the Dame in a locally run amateur panto company – he has done numerous semi-pro plays, pantos and shows in his life and thought it would be good to get back into it and contacted a local group nearby (so doing the “giving back to the community”, “working in your local area” bit –blah blah yawn blah.....) 

From what I could tell the local theatre group was a bit of a clique of pompous, pretend faux luvvies, which I am not wholly fond of. We waited a while until Hubby’s number was called – he went through and for the first time during the auditions I could actually hear someone sing from the audition room – the staff in the waiting room were stood in awe, listening and were very impressed with it. I then heard the director laugh, and this was also commented on by one of the clique as being a good sign.  Whilst waiting, they asked who I was and said I was his dresser, chauffeur, right hand man, left hand man and so on. They started to push me to see if I would like to become assimilated into the collective, perhaps in the costume section or as the stage prompt;  scenery, lighting or props (oh my...), they went through everything. I politely declined with a fixed grin on my face and waited in anguish for Hubby to re-emerge from the audition room.  Eventually he did and then we beat a hasty retreat.

Unfortunately, the phone call he got after the audition was to say no. Apparently he was too ‘pretty’ to be a Dame... which to me sounded a bit lame, (ooh that rhymed...) and a load of old bollocks to be honest.  I was sad for Hubby, but honestly wasn’t surprised, as these sort of self involved little nodules of people have a blinkered outlook on what talent and experience should be – oh well, at least we have still got Cardiff and Minsky’s to look forward to.

Who Let The Drag Out!

Apologies to those of you that take regular time out to read the blog, however it has been rather on the busy side for Cherry and her plans of world domination (or is that meant to be Dominatrix, I forget...)

There has been an increase (well a mighty surge) in the purchase of shoes, costumes and jewellery (oh my...) and not to mention wigs – the house looks like a drag queen has exploded in the middle of it with drag shrapnel in every available area – I think this week is going to be used to try and contain the drag fallout in one area of the house, although I think it would be easier trying to herd cats...

Loads of interesting objects have been posted to Cherry over the week, so much so I think Parcelforce are thinking of opening a sub-office next door to save time in Cherry’s deliveries. We have enough cardboard boxes to re-house London’s homeless,   well the recycling team will need to make two trips when they come to empty the bins come Wednesday...

Costumes now have their own rack – in the spare room....the Muppet Show in the loft has increased in size and it now looks like the Rio Mardi Gras is hiding up there trying to avoid extradition.  As for the heads on top of the wardrobe, they don’t know it yet, but they are being re-homed into the spare room at some point, although I hope they don’t start demanding squatters’ rights...

What Does the "M" Stand for Constable?

Recently Cherry surprised her fellow colleagues at a party in Nottingham. It was a small private affair to mark the great work that Katrina (aka the "organised one") had done for the events company that Cherry works for when she is "Screaming With A Queen" (see previous blog). It was all going rather well - Cherry was doing her normal routine (jokes/songs and general bitching) when the arranged presentation of flowers to Katrina was produced at the doorway - by a policeman!!!! Not a stripper dressed in a police uniform - but a policeman...a proper one...the real McCoy!!!!

Some of the neighbours (known hereafter as whingeing killjoys) had phoned the police to complain about the noise emanating from the building we were inhabiting. They came along to check it out and Hazel, the director of the events company, ran into them and thankfully explained the situation; she then cheekily asked if he would present the flowers to Katrina.

Well, Cherry was there and commented on his excellent costume as most strippers' police costumes were rather crap.   Then, when she came to realise he was a real policeman (with a police colleague in attendance) she started to flirt with him, asking his name etc. She then noticed his lapel said PC M Scott.
"So, PC Scott, what does the "M" stand for....Motherf**ker??"

Admittedly, the timing was perfect and Cherry delivered a gem of a line. Thankfully PC Scott had a sense of humour and laughed as he grappled for his cuffs...

Again Cherry thought her luck was in and she had pulled...and retaliated with - "oooh sweety, I would enjoy that too much, just don't ladder my tights!!"

At £25 a pair I would not be very impressed if PC Scott had done so!

Daddy...what is a Drag Queen?

For those of you who do not know, I have a son, from a previous "straight" relationship. Since my coming out his mum has been very guarded about explaining to him about my "lifestyle" and was very reticent to let my son have any knowledge of it. Well thankfully (and legally) she could not have her way, and we got to see him and have him stay over.  One day he was stopping with us for a weekend and he was just sat in front of the fire playing with his Lego, when he blurted out,"Daddy, what is a Drag Queen?"
My mind froze...wishing, for once, he had asked me about where babies came from, or what does intercourse mean? I started to break out in a cold sweat and hyperventilate. Unfortunately, Cherry's costumes are difficult to hide, plus my son must've seen certain photos at times and had also must have heard us talking about things, oh and see Hubby trying on wigs and shoes and so forth, I just cannot work out what the give away was...

After some verbal stumbling I tried to explain, saying that some men, like my hubby, have a job where they go and entertain people at pubs and clubs, dressed in funny dresses, wigs and make-up and sing songs and tell funny stories and jokes, but only ones that mummies and daddies understand.  I looked at him hopefully afterwards and he looked up thougtfully from his Lego, looked straight at me and said, " A bit like a lady clown then...like those men on stage at the panto pretending to be women??" I nodded fervently and he just dismissively said "Cool..." looked down at his Lego car and asked if I could help with the difficult bit he had got to - as if that was not difficult enough!!!! 

Screaming With A Queen

Whoever thought the paranormal and drag queens would go together! Surprised? You will be!!!

Scream With A Queen was officially launched last year at the NEC Wedding Show, offering hen nights with a difference - basically a drag queen joins a hen party on a ghost hunt around one of the UK's most haunted locations. Original? You betcha!!

I have supported this idea from the outset, due to its complete originality, and am glad to say that it has been received with a great deal of enthusiasm when discussed with potential hen night organisers.  As for me, to say I worry about things is generally an understatement...I fret for Britain!! Will Cherry's wigs get messed up in a web filled dungeon? Will Cherry fall off her stacked heels and fall arse over tit (well arse over chicken fillet implant in her case...) and land un-queenly like, at the bottom of a rickety old stair case? Will she be taken over by the spirit of the devil and start vomiting pea soup everywhere...actually that's normal for Cherry after a sambucca or 6, so let's not dwell on that...

As mentioned, Scream With a Queen was launched last year at Birmingham NEC at the National Wedding Show. I went and helped out for the three days on the stand, spending lots of time with people, telling them about the concept and generally getting a very positive response. However, I must admit that my PR skills need a little honing..one lady walked past and asked about what we did - giving her a leaflet I went into my well rehearsed monologue about the concept. After looking at the leaflet and then eyeing Cherry disdainfully, like she had found a pooh stain on a hotel towel, she replied, "no, I don't think so!"

Without thinking, I ripped the leaflet out of her hand, gave her a withering look and made some comment about not wasting the cost of printing on the the narrow-minded and perhaps she should  have one of those dull parties where the highlight was a cheese and pineapple hedgehog - and fully turned my back on her.  Maybe not the best PR stunt in the world I know, but it made me feel so much better...

And I am now unashamedly plugging  - http://www.hauntedhappenings.co.uk/scream_with_a_queen.php

Cherry's Makeup

During a recent gig, I was lucky enough to be allowed in the room with Hubby to actually watch the transformation take place from Hubby to Cherry.  To be honest, this always intrigues me how much of a difference the application of makeup can alter things. I must admit makeup has never been one of my main interests in life and I am still quite ignorant about it – if it had been, I feel a further shift in my own lifestyle would have taken place - more so than now, to be honest!

 Firstly, it surprised me how much certain products are. My first encounter was at the MAC counter in Debenhams. Hubby went AWOL for about 20 minutes and came back ecstatic, clutching a small bag. The contents of which I thought were rather unassuming, however I was proudly told that they had cost more than the clothes I was standing in!!! Reeling from the shock of the price of these purchases, I asked if there were any other cheaper products available. The look I received was one that I would not like to share with you, and was pointedly told that if it was good enough for RuPaul, then it was good enough for Cherry. Who am I to argue?

 Secondly, the amount of care and precision used to apply these products was phenomenal and also impressive.  I am bearing this in mind, because when we need to paint the lounge again, Hubby can paint the top of the walls where it meets the coving! I also timed how long it took Cherry to apply her visage, from the first layer of foundation to the final coating of lip gloss. 1 hour and 45 minutes!!!

When I am not being Cherry’s dresser/driver/assistant/gopher, I spend my 9 to 5 as a construction estimator. I price building work and from that I can generally calculate out how long the job will take in man-hours. Needless to say, the Inner Nerd kicked in! I calculated that the time it took Cherry to put on her face I could get a plasterer to re-artex the fireplace wall in our lounge. I tried to enlighten Cherry about my findings, only to have her think it was a personal affront, saying that I must think she trowelled her slap on a bit too thick in order to hide the cracks. Considering the cost of the stuff she uses, I bloody hope she doesn’t...

Ménage a Trois

Living with the alter ego that is Cherry Darling does put a very interesting slant on your day-to-day way of life. Cherry’s paraphernalia has taken over our existence in numerous ways, it’s like a mad auntie with eccentric dress sense has moved in, but you never see her!

Take for example, a guy getting ready for work. He usually opens the wardrobe and grabs a shirt from the hanger and gets suited and booted, ready to greet the day in the office.  In my case, I open the wardrobe and generally have to wrestle with a forest of sequin encrusted organza hanging up in there, and that is before I find any suitable attire for my day at work.  On the up side, at least every day starts like Mardi Gras, however trying to unravel ties from rampant organza boas does become extremely taxing, especially when late for an appointment.

Our quaint little abode is devoid of storage space. The houses in our development must have been designed by and architect that used to be a cave dwelling hermit, however we still try and store Cherry’s wardrobe, as best we can.

The feather garments that Cherry wears are carefully stored in the loft, however when I go up there without the lights on it  does frighten the crap out of me sometimes, thinking that stowaways from Sesame Street have taken refuge in our attic - although being raided by the Muppets would be kinda fun. 

Wigs are another issue.  There are Marie Antoinette up dos, big Dolly Parton  “howdy y’all”  hair dos, the odd Streisand replica, there is even a bride of Frankenstein styled wig somewhere – but I really find it rather sinister when I am laying in bed reading and over the top of my book I can see, lined up on top of the wardrobe, all these disembodied heads wearing Cherry’s fab hair dos – it’s like the entire cast of La Cage Aux Folles has been put to death and are now lined up looking fabulous on the spikes of London’s Traitor’s Gate....sick, but you kind of get the idea...

Cherry, like every other woman/female impersonator that I know, has a thing about shoes – they have to be brash, bold, and the heels so high you get nosebleeds from just standing in them.  These are always obtained from specialist online stores; however I have always wanted Hubby to waltz in to Brantano, pick up a pair of glitzy sling backs, mince up to the shop assistant behind the counter and ask, “Have you got these in a size 10 dear?”  It would be worth it just to see the reaction of the poor assistant’s face...

Hubby did go into Anne Summers once and asked to try on this hideous PVC dress that he wanted for his costume wardrobe, but the snotty bint of a manager looked at him with complete disdain, as if he had asked her to dance naked in the shop window! Some people really need to realise we are in the 21^st Century!  And Anne Summers really need to get a grip!

Make up is another thing that I really have no understanding about. From the contents of Cherry’s make up case, a form of alchemy is created, from powders, potions and mascara comes this amazing mask of flawlessness that Cherry is becoming very famous, and envied for.  The one thing I have learnt early on is to not even try and understand what all the different bottles of stuff are for, and also not to be dared by Lisa into having a go, myself, when Cherry’s back is turned...the finished result looked like it had been applied by Stevie Wonder whilst attempting a colour-by-numbers art project. Of course, Cherry did not see the funny side – and for punishment she hid the wipes too...Bitch!

Simply the BEST!

I am a very risk-averse person I think, which is the total oppositte of my hubby/Cherry, who generally grabs risk by the short and curlies and then rides it like Seabiscuit - and fair play to her for doing so. Last night was one of the proudest nights of my life. Basically Cherry, nigh on single handedly, put on her own one woman show, sold it out and had them screaming in the aisles all night - and organised it in under two months too. She also re-wrote her show, learnt new songs especially for it and had some amazing costume acoutrements created especially for the event.  I wholly admit that I thought this was a big risk, but she pulled it off and our nearest and dearest friends, who also helped out a great deal, I also think are just amazing too.

Not all of it went to plan, we had wardrobe malfunctions, not on the Janet Jackson sort of level, but it gave us some concern, the DJ that was hired had some technical issues, however otherwise was totally amazing and did a fab job all night. It was also an excellent opportunity for Cherry to get a show reel done as well, and from this a DVD is going to be made - and all profits are going to go to Comic Relief too, so all in all it was a rather productive night.

I just don't know if now is the right time to admit to breaking one of Cherry's Julien Macdonald earrings...oh well, it's out there now, I shall suffer the consequences...

What's in a Name!

As mentioned previously, when Cherry does her gigs, it is usually to a positive response and a reasonably laid back attitude from those that have attended. However on this one occasion, there was a bit of a situation, where I was party to a blatantly homophobic outburst from a drunken chav who thought it was still trendy to wear shell suits.

We had just finished packing the car of all the paraphernalia that is Cherry Darling, and we had just got in the car. Cherry's manager, Claire, was with us too on this trip.  Some girls who had been at the show were waving at hubby as we drove off, but as we drove off, the aforementioned drunken chav yelled at us "fu**in' tranny!" Of course hubby was quick with a smart and witty retort that rhymed with "clucking front!", however if you have seen Cherry's show, that was rather tame for him...

Well, I just let it go as there is no point getting worked about such things, but whilst I was driving home I started to mull it over in my head and as I did I got angrier and angrier about it.  In fact I was furious and became incandescent with rage whilst blasting back up the M5 - how could that drunken yob not tell the difference between a transvestite and a Drag Queen???? Of all the nerve, the uneducated little runt could not tell the difference between the two!!!

So, for those of you that don't want to upset me in any way shape or form, please take note...

Generally, (and I am generalising ) a transvestite is a  straight man who gets a certain 'kick' from wearing women's clothing. This is not to be confused with transsexuals, who were men/women who have a little operation that re-addresses their intimate bits to make them more comfortable, sexually.  A Drag Queen (the term requires capital letters because it is supposed to denote fabulousness) is generally a gay man (there are, however, some straight drag acts may I hasten to add..) who dress up in larger than life costumes, to create a female caricature, which is often done for entertainment or performance purposes.

The term 'drag' may have arisen from the time when it was not allowed for women to be on stage and all parts were played by men, and the acronym "drag" was written in the play as a form of abbreviation to make note that the actor had to "dress as a girl". Whether this is true is another matter, but it is a kind of kitsch little piece of information to keep in mind.

Oh, and by the way....after reading this and you still insist in calling Cherry, or any of her Drag sisters a tranny, I will personally rebuke you in public and criticise your footwear!!!

Wired for Sound

PA systems have recently become the bane of my life.

Should there be a need, Cherry has a PA system, which generally resides in our downstairs cloakroom between gigs and doubles up as a shelf for loo paper. This piece of kit does get used rather infrequently, but it is a good thing to have as you can be more flexible and go to places that do not have PA systems. One such place was a cricket pavilion in the bowels of deepest Gloucestershire...I am not judgemental in any way shape or form, however, upon our arrival, in the far off distance I swore I heard banjos...

Needless to say we were worried that we had got the right address. Nigella, our satnav has led us a merry dance across the Midlands on numerous occasions, but this place had no visible entrance and for all accounts and purposes looked like a rural crack den.  We checked again and Nigella told me in a very resigned tone of voice, that I had "reached my destination", to which she was instantly slammed back in the glove box.  Thankfully, after a few moments another car came down the track, which turned out to be the organiser of this ladies night.  She opened up the venue and to be honest it turned out to be a nice little venue, albeit chilly and remote, but nice - banjos permitting.

Hubby sashayed in and started putting Cherry together, whilst I was left to put together the PA System - apparently my building background and the fact I can wire up the wii to the TV is proof enough that I can do this....I reserved judgement, although  I had ensured it all worked prior to using it; as a typical bloke I had the foresight to check all the bits were there and it all wired together correctly. This took a lot of guessing. The first stumbling block was that the PA system was GERMAN, and therefore had continental plugs. (Hubby saw it on ebay and thought it was a bargain...probably misread the cost in deutsch marks!!!) However, this was easily corrected - continental adaptors from B&Q, the job was a goodun. 

Following the rather sketchy German diagrammatics, the final result worked, however it looked like a bomb had gone off on the Millennium Falcon. Wiring was everywhere, but I had Donna Summer's "Hot Stuff" blaring out of speakers and it worked. Yay me!

I had to now replicate this set up again, and whilst doing so it had dawned on me that I had to lug this system, bit by bit, up a flight of stairs.  Needless to say I am not the fittest person in the world, and I shall spare you the details...panting, perspiring poofs are not that nicest thing to write about, however it does depend in which context you are writing about them in....anyhow I digress...

The spot where the system was being set up was a nice little corner on the dance floor with two plug sockets. I went to task, installing the system, and after a while, realised I needed 3 sockets - one for the system, one for the laptop with the tunes on, and one for the radio mic. Also one of the sockets had a heater plugged into it, which I resignedly unplugged and went and told Cherry about the problem.  The news was not taken very well, and I was told to go and buy an extension lead...unfortunately there are very few retail outlets open in rural Gloucestershire at 8pm.  This point was glossed over by a rather furious hubby that was mid-drag, so I decided to go and look for alternative solutions, like finding a venue with more plug sockets...

After aimlessly wandering around the venue I spied at the back of the bar an extension cable, which I snatched and ran back to the PA system with and started to plug everything in - I could even plug back in the heater, all was good with the world as that would keep me toastie warm during the show, as I was going to be the resident DJ for the night...which is my own personal nightmare. I do suffer for my husband's art. I really do not like being the centre of attention or being on stage - a very bad bout of stage fright as a teenager during a school show put paid to that, I am saying no more....

Next thing was to get the radio mic to work - again electronics are not my forte and I was constantly worrying why every time I turned the mic on there would be this ear splitting scream resounding from the system. A rushed phone call to an ex international DJ friend (yeah, how cool is that???) asking his advice, finally realised that the mic could not be in front of the speakers or you get feedback. The penny dropped, as I was testing it directly in front of the speakers (d'oh!) The speakers were rearranged to prevent this happening again. The system was now working fine - the background music was playing off the laptop, and the mic was behaving itself. Good stuff!

As the night started, I took my place behind the system, and introduced Cherry onto the stage. At this point I should point out that this took place over the week of Remembrance Day and Cherry was having two minutes' silence before each show in respect of those lost in the wars. Cherry made her entrance with poppies the size of tea plates festooning her wig, and an air of reverence radiated from her as she asked the audience for the traditional two minutes silence. During this time I was supposed to queue the music for "The Last Post", what she got was a very abrupt blast of the opening of Donna Summer's "Hot Stuff".  Needless to say my career as DJ was short lived.

May I say thank you to our good friend James, aka International DJ James Fierce, whose assistance I called upon during this fateful evening, and who celebrates the big four zero today - many happy returns mate x x x

I Will 'Man Up' When You 'Drag Up'...

Watching Cherry perform on stage is always a very proud moment for me, especially as I know that a great amount of thought and work has gone into every detail – each nuance thought about, the visual effect has been carefully detailed and considered, each joke or put-down critically honed to perfection, and the majority of the audience will enjoy themselves, laugh and generally have a good night.  I love to see Cherry receive the positive feedback that people give directly after the show. Generally there is usually a lady in the audience who has had a few-too-many, who becomes Cherry’s new best friend for the next ten minutes and sees it as a personal challenge to turn him back to the straight-side, but then generally leaves after learning a few helpful make up tips from Cherry instead...a win-win situation I feel for all involved.

However, the one thing I still have trouble dealing with is the negative aspect of an audience.  The old adage of “you can’t please everyone all the time” is really true. When you are out there doing your thing in a cabaret show or a Ladies Night, for example, not everyone is going to be interested as the main event is the stripper, and it does pain me to see a small number of members of the audience not really taking any notice of what Cherry is doing, not interacting with the act, and generally being rather dismissive of it all.  As an entertainer, you generally learn to deal with it, you know as soon as you start that you are not going to appeal to the whole audience, but you work with those in the crowd that want to listen and enjoy what you, as an entertainer, are doing.  Personally I have to prevent myself from getting up, walking over to the irritating little runt who has done nothing but talk to her coven of likewise thoughtless, irritating gobshites all the way through the show whilst slinging back gallons of Malibu and pineapple down them, poke them in the eyes and bellow at the top of my lungs, “That dress costs hundreds of pounds you ungrateful bint, now bloody watch the show!!!!”  According to Cherry that is not good PR...

As much as it upsets me to think that Cherry does not get the kudos she deserves from ALL the audience, I have to constantly remind myself it is nothing personal and it is generally in the minority. I have to mentally put on a Teflon coated attitude and constantly reinforce the thought that those who are not bothering to listen and take part, well it’s their loss - I just hope for their sakes that they stay under Cherry’s radar...

Sweet Charity!

Last night Cherry was performing at a charity ladies night and man auction at Cordingley Conference Centre, near Telford. Getting there was "interesting" to say the least as the satnav took us to some village on the outskirts of beyond, you know the sort of place, where siblings are encouraged to marry!!! Anyhow, after a fraught phone conversation with someone at the venue, and following their instructions, we did get there. However, I must point out that I do have the sense of direction of a dead homing pigeon, which does cause some major concern to my passengers when I am driving... and my hubby's level of anxiety does reach new heights in these kind of scenarios.

So, as hubby went off to transform into Cherry, I sat at the bar with our friend Lisa, who had come out with us, and we watched the man auction take place. It was like watching a Caucasian version of "Roots", only funnier.  When sold to the highest bidder these slaves would then do menial tasks for the ladies for the evening, waiting on them, getting drinks, even one poor guy got sent out for chips! That's dedication for you....

During these events I check on hubby's progress to see when he needs help changing - I have found it is best to leave well alone until the make up is on, although it is interesting to watch the transformation take place. As this transformation progresses you can see the personality change with it. As each facet of Cherry is put into place - the make-up, tights, corset, tits, shoes, dress, jewellery, wig - there is an emergence of a new personality, which is awesome and at the same time baffling. Some would say it is just your husband in a dress and some slap, but they don't see it from my perspective, seeing the change in confidence, personality, mannerisms, the emergence of this character, Cherry Darling. Even height makes all the difference. My hubby is a very unassuming 5ft 7inches usually, but with the paraphernalia that goes with Cherry, in particular the 6 inch stacked heeled shoes and bouffant wig, helps to create this Amazonian stature of nearly 7 foot. The culminating factor is the wig, as soon as it is placed, Cherry emerges.  She is then ready to meet her public.

On stage, Cherry ramps up the energy in the venue, with songs, comedy and a large dose of crowd-bitching. It's not a very good analogy, but I liken Cherry on stage to a Spanish Galleon in the Armada, sailing stately in the water in full sail, firing salvos of jokes and comedic put downs into the audience. There are some very near the knuckle comments, which do make me feel uncomfortable personally; OK I cringe inwardly, but hey, drag acts aren't known for their tact and diplomacy. She stays on stage for the male stripper, getting the girls into a mad frenzy that they begin baying for the removal of garments.  At this point the women are on their feet and have formed a circle around this near-naked performer, like villagers around an illicit cock-fight (oooh, how ironic!) The chant of " off, off, off, off" is louder than ever - especially from Cherry as she is leading the chant - and it culminates in the removal of every stitch. The stripper then reveals all, wearing nothing but a smile, and the culmination of the performance is reached!

As mentioned, last night's event was for charity in aid of the Air Ambulance Service. It was organised by the lovely Lenny Worthing, who in his spare time organises a number of these events each year to support local charities, and it is to him I dedicate this blog to. Cheers Lenny.

Oh, and my new fag hag, Natalie - you are my new best friend, text me every 10 minutes!!!

2nd post of the blog

Well this afternoon has been an interesting time, we tumbled out of the house and pootled in to Stourport, which is a lovely town ruined by a crap road system!  Cherry had an appointment to be "de-fuzzed", its amazing how much waxing is involved in being a Drag Queen - I like to go because I like to hear the torrent of swear words that come from the cubicle during the event - it pleases the inner sadist in me...whilst Cherry was being waxed I was given a pamphlet about their new installation of Garra Ruffa fish - it's all the craze in salons apparently, where you put your feet into a tank and these fish nibble off the dry skin, and leaves the new skin behind - it sounded novel, however if I had put my feet in I am sure it would've become a white water frenzy, much like a piranha attack that David Attenborough likes to talk excitedly about, much to another animal's detriment. I was notified, however that they have had 7 victims today, hence their lethargic disposition...perhaps another time then...

I think the sadist that waxes Cherry has become more gentle in her demeanour - only a phew "oohs" and a nervous laugh was heard...so much for my inner sadist being satisfied - harumph...

Greetings

Hello All
Welcome to my blog space here, hope you find it nice and cosy and you find the stuff on here of interest. I hope I will be able to add something on here on a regular basis and hope that those who follow it will find it entertaining.
In my early years I read the Adrian Mole diaries, and found them to be funny and entertaining - well this is my sort of diary, about me and how things occur "behind the scenes" with my other half, my husband, who you will only know by his stage name, Cherry Darling (of course those of you who know me personally know what his real name is, but you have to have something that keeps the suspense, however minimal lol).
Well Cherry is getting ready for tonight's show, more information on that later as and when it happens, but for now I hope you enjoy this little online diary of mine as I add to it.
Enjoy
Kx