What Does the "M" Stand for Constable?

Recently Cherry surprised her fellow colleagues at a party in Nottingham. It was a small private affair to mark the great work that Katrina (aka the "organised one") had done for the events company that Cherry works for when she is "Screaming With A Queen" (see previous blog). It was all going rather well - Cherry was doing her normal routine (jokes/songs and general bitching) when the arranged presentation of flowers to Katrina was produced at the doorway - by a policeman!!!! Not a stripper dressed in a police uniform - but a policeman...a proper one...the real McCoy!!!!

Some of the neighbours (known hereafter as whingeing killjoys) had phoned the police to complain about the noise emanating from the building we were inhabiting. They came along to check it out and Hazel, the director of the events company, ran into them and thankfully explained the situation; she then cheekily asked if he would present the flowers to Katrina.

Well, Cherry was there and commented on his excellent costume as most strippers' police costumes were rather crap.   Then, when she came to realise he was a real policeman (with a police colleague in attendance) she started to flirt with him, asking his name etc. She then noticed his lapel said PC M Scott.
"So, PC Scott, what does the "M" stand for....Motherf**ker??"

Admittedly, the timing was perfect and Cherry delivered a gem of a line. Thankfully PC Scott had a sense of humour and laughed as he grappled for his cuffs...

Again Cherry thought her luck was in and she had pulled...and retaliated with - "oooh sweety, I would enjoy that too much, just don't ladder my tights!!"

At £25 a pair I would not be very impressed if PC Scott had done so!

Daddy...what is a Drag Queen?

For those of you who do not know, I have a son, from a previous "straight" relationship. Since my coming out his mum has been very guarded about explaining to him about my "lifestyle" and was very reticent to let my son have any knowledge of it. Well thankfully (and legally) she could not have her way, and we got to see him and have him stay over.  One day he was stopping with us for a weekend and he was just sat in front of the fire playing with his Lego, when he blurted out,"Daddy, what is a Drag Queen?"
My mind froze...wishing, for once, he had asked me about where babies came from, or what does intercourse mean? I started to break out in a cold sweat and hyperventilate. Unfortunately, Cherry's costumes are difficult to hide, plus my son must've seen certain photos at times and had also must have heard us talking about things, oh and see Hubby trying on wigs and shoes and so forth, I just cannot work out what the give away was...

After some verbal stumbling I tried to explain, saying that some men, like my hubby, have a job where they go and entertain people at pubs and clubs, dressed in funny dresses, wigs and make-up and sing songs and tell funny stories and jokes, but only ones that mummies and daddies understand.  I looked at him hopefully afterwards and he looked up thougtfully from his Lego, looked straight at me and said, " A bit like a lady clown then...like those men on stage at the panto pretending to be women??" I nodded fervently and he just dismissively said "Cool..." looked down at his Lego car and asked if I could help with the difficult bit he had got to - as if that was not difficult enough!!!! 

Screaming With A Queen

Whoever thought the paranormal and drag queens would go together! Surprised? You will be!!!

Scream With A Queen was officially launched last year at the NEC Wedding Show, offering hen nights with a difference - basically a drag queen joins a hen party on a ghost hunt around one of the UK's most haunted locations. Original? You betcha!!

I have supported this idea from the outset, due to its complete originality, and am glad to say that it has been received with a great deal of enthusiasm when discussed with potential hen night organisers.  As for me, to say I worry about things is generally an understatement...I fret for Britain!! Will Cherry's wigs get messed up in a web filled dungeon? Will Cherry fall off her stacked heels and fall arse over tit (well arse over chicken fillet implant in her case...) and land un-queenly like, at the bottom of a rickety old stair case? Will she be taken over by the spirit of the devil and start vomiting pea soup everywhere...actually that's normal for Cherry after a sambucca or 6, so let's not dwell on that...

As mentioned, Scream With a Queen was launched last year at Birmingham NEC at the National Wedding Show. I went and helped out for the three days on the stand, spending lots of time with people, telling them about the concept and generally getting a very positive response. However, I must admit that my PR skills need a little honing..one lady walked past and asked about what we did - giving her a leaflet I went into my well rehearsed monologue about the concept. After looking at the leaflet and then eyeing Cherry disdainfully, like she had found a pooh stain on a hotel towel, she replied, "no, I don't think so!"

Without thinking, I ripped the leaflet out of her hand, gave her a withering look and made some comment about not wasting the cost of printing on the the narrow-minded and perhaps she should  have one of those dull parties where the highlight was a cheese and pineapple hedgehog - and fully turned my back on her.  Maybe not the best PR stunt in the world I know, but it made me feel so much better...

And I am now unashamedly plugging  - http://www.hauntedhappenings.co.uk/scream_with_a_queen.php

Cherry's Makeup

During a recent gig, I was lucky enough to be allowed in the room with Hubby to actually watch the transformation take place from Hubby to Cherry.  To be honest, this always intrigues me how much of a difference the application of makeup can alter things. I must admit makeup has never been one of my main interests in life and I am still quite ignorant about it – if it had been, I feel a further shift in my own lifestyle would have taken place - more so than now, to be honest!

 Firstly, it surprised me how much certain products are. My first encounter was at the MAC counter in Debenhams. Hubby went AWOL for about 20 minutes and came back ecstatic, clutching a small bag. The contents of which I thought were rather unassuming, however I was proudly told that they had cost more than the clothes I was standing in!!! Reeling from the shock of the price of these purchases, I asked if there were any other cheaper products available. The look I received was one that I would not like to share with you, and was pointedly told that if it was good enough for RuPaul, then it was good enough for Cherry. Who am I to argue?

 Secondly, the amount of care and precision used to apply these products was phenomenal and also impressive.  I am bearing this in mind, because when we need to paint the lounge again, Hubby can paint the top of the walls where it meets the coving! I also timed how long it took Cherry to apply her visage, from the first layer of foundation to the final coating of lip gloss. 1 hour and 45 minutes!!!

When I am not being Cherry’s dresser/driver/assistant/gopher, I spend my 9 to 5 as a construction estimator. I price building work and from that I can generally calculate out how long the job will take in man-hours. Needless to say, the Inner Nerd kicked in! I calculated that the time it took Cherry to put on her face I could get a plasterer to re-artex the fireplace wall in our lounge. I tried to enlighten Cherry about my findings, only to have her think it was a personal affront, saying that I must think she trowelled her slap on a bit too thick in order to hide the cracks. Considering the cost of the stuff she uses, I bloody hope she doesn’t...