Living with the alter ego that is Cherry Darling does put a very interesting slant on your day-to-day way of life. Cherry’s paraphernalia has taken over our existence in numerous ways, it’s like a mad auntie with eccentric dress sense has moved in, but you never see her!
Take for example, a guy getting ready for work. He usually opens the wardrobe and grabs a shirt from the hanger and gets suited and booted, ready to greet the day in the office. In my case, I open the wardrobe and generally have to wrestle with a forest of sequin encrusted organza hanging up in there, and that is before I find any suitable attire for my day at work. On the up side, at least every day starts like Mardi Gras, however trying to unravel ties from rampant organza boas does become extremely taxing, especially when late for an appointment.
Our quaint little abode is devoid of storage space. The houses in our development must have been designed by and architect that used to be a cave dwelling hermit, however we still try and store Cherry’s wardrobe, as best we can.
The feather garments that Cherry wears are carefully stored in the loft, however when I go up there without the lights on it does frighten the crap out of me sometimes, thinking that stowaways from Sesame Street have taken refuge in our attic - although being raided by the Muppets would be kinda fun.
Wigs are another issue. There are Marie Antoinette up dos, big Dolly Parton “howdy y’all” hair dos, the odd Streisand replica, there is even a bride of Frankenstein styled wig somewhere – but I really find it rather sinister when I am laying in bed reading and over the top of my book I can see, lined up on top of the wardrobe, all these disembodied heads wearing Cherry’s fab hair dos – it’s like the entire cast of La Cage Aux Folles has been put to death and are now lined up looking fabulous on the spikes of London’s Traitor’s Gate....sick, but you kind of get the idea...
Cherry, like every other woman/female impersonator that I know, has a thing about shoes – they have to be brash, bold, and the heels so high you get nosebleeds from just standing in them. These are always obtained from specialist online stores; however I have always wanted Hubby to waltz in to Brantano, pick up a pair of glitzy sling backs, mince up to the shop assistant behind the counter and ask, “Have you got these in a size 10 dear?” It would be worth it just to see the reaction of the poor assistant’s face...
Hubby did go into Anne Summers once and asked to try on this hideous PVC dress that he wanted for his costume wardrobe, but the snotty bint of a manager looked at him with complete disdain, as if he had asked her to dance naked in the shop window! Some people really need to realise we are in the 21st Century! And Anne Summers really need to get a grip!
Make up is another thing that I really have no understanding about. From the contents of Cherry’s make up case, a form of alchemy is created, from powders, potions and mascara comes this amazing mask of flawlessness that Cherry is becoming very famous, and envied for. The one thing I have learnt early on is to not even try and understand what all the different bottles of stuff are for, and also not to be dared by Lisa into having a go, myself, when Cherry’s back is turned...the finished result looked like it had been applied by Stevie Wonder whilst attempting a colour-by-numbers art project. Of course, Cherry did not see the funny side – and for punishment she hid the wipes too...Bitch!
