Paranormal Dragtivity

So, when going out on a paranormal event with a Drag Queen, what comment will you hear first?

A.     I am sensing paranormal energy close by?"

B.      Have you brought a torch?

C.      Your face looks like a bag of smashed crabs!!!

If you went with either A or B - you are watching Most Haunted with Yvette Fielding and it’s more than likely a re-run on LivingTV.  However, if you said C then perhaps, just perhaps, you have stumbled upon a haunted hen night with Cherry Darling!

Cherry Darling, the Diva of Darkness herself - welcomed Shona and her hen party to The Museum of Wizardology (it’s also lovingly referred to as The Creaky Cauldron) in Stratford upon Avon, for their very own Scream With a Queen.  She then tirelessly abused them, typical Cherry style, although she would call it constructive criticism...be warned, never where mustard and purple at the same time, or man made fibres, as it offends our sequin dripped Diva.

For years, hubby and I have been visiting this place, because of its quirky character (and I am not referring to the owner, Dave Matthews in this instance) and the fact that it has three all encompassing things that we love, namely the history of witchcraft, shopping...and The Wizard of Oz...

Cherry and Proprietor of Creaky Cauldron, Dave Matthews

All seemed the perfect location to host such an event - and bugger me were we right!  It was, in all honesty, at The Creaky Cauldron, where I lost my scepticism about the paranormal - and the contents of my bowels at the same time!!

Since then I have been on numerous ghost hunts and have since become rather ambivalent about it - not because I don’t believe, but because my first experience has never been bettered! Until now...

Laughter, it is said, increases the energy levels in a haunted location, which in turn, it is hoped, for paranormal activity to occur. Well, with Cherry doing her stuff at the helm, she was certainly getting this group of revellers into the swing of things.

Once the girls had been fed and watered, Cherry started doing her crystal ball readings - which, with the greatest respect are very tongue-in-cheek, but were so funny that the laughter was unstoppable, nigh on pant wetting!!  It was then that the inevitable flip side of the night happened, where certain members of the party had situations and events happen that they could not explain. Things also happened to Cherry too - the Queen was really screaming! At one point I thought she had re-drawn her eyebrows a couple of inches higher than normal and I could also see goose-bumps through the makeup, which apparently you are not supposed to...

Shona getting a reading from Cherry's Ball

I also found it fascinating that when the girls got back together and started talking about things, lots of interesting information started to come through and the coincidences that were occurring from what they were relaying and from the previous ghost hunts there and the limited information I have of the property, it was all becoming rather spooky.  Of course I am not going to delve further into this as it would be like reading all those bloody awful soap spoilers that you read in women’s magazines....not that I have read that many you understand (ahem...), you need to find out all about it yourself - mwahahahahahahahaahaaaaaaa

Finally, our thanks to Jay and Sean for looking after everything (and for feeding me too) and also to Dave for letting us hold one of the most eventful SWAQ  parties at the wonderfully creepy, Creaky Cauldron.

PS - Cherry does a fab fairy god-mother too

PPS so long as it isn’t raining and she doesn’t crush her wings in transit...

Scream With A Queen - Still Screaming!!

It was precisely a year ago this month that I blogged about “Scream With A Queen”, where Cherry is the hostess with the mostess and gets a party of intrepid party goers geared up and raring to go on a ghost hunt.  Well, Saturday just gone was one of those evenings, held in the salubrious location of  Tutbury Castle in Derbyshire.  The castle still belongs to “The Crown”.  It has been documented to have been a temporary home for Mary Queen of Scots, just before Elizabeth I ordered her to have her final haircut - you know, where everything from the neck up is removed!!!!

For the first time ever, we were actually caught late due to traffic and turned up after the hen party Cherry was entertaining had got there. Well, panic stations wasn’t the word - I have never put a PA system together so fast in my life -  although I was still mystified why the CD players wouldn’t work, but not to worry the music on the laptop was working.  I was just a bit miffed that this “new” system was heavy to lug about, and after getting a hernia moving the bugger it still wouldn’t play a CD...(OK miffed is not the word, mightily pissed off describes it better...)

Thankfully the hen party were being served dinner, which meant we had time to get organised and Cherry to transform.

Whilst helping hubby into his corsetry I was wondering to myself what would have Elizabethan England made of Cherry...then realised that it was probably due to Elizabethan England and the likes of Shakespeare that Drag Queens exist!!!

Apparently, women were not allowed to be actors back in Shakespeare’s time and it fell to the men to play the female parts - and if so, then the acronym DRAG was used against the parts that were required to be played as women, which apparently represented that the actor “DRessed As Girl”. Whether this is true or not, I don’t know, but it is quite a nice idea to think that the history of Drag is far richer for it.

Anyhow, I digress - eventually Cherry was ready to start the night off for the hen party and it fell to me to introduce her - which I am not keen to do as I have a real issue about being the centre of attention, plus I didn’t want to sound like one of those cheesy mobile DJ’s that you get at weddings...

“ Are you ready for some entertainment ladies!”, to which I got a resounding “Yes!” (And Cheesy Mobile DJ Kev is born...bugger...)

“Are you ready to meet the new Princess of the Paranormal??” again a huge shout of “Yes!”

“Are you ready to meet the Diva of Darkness??” - the girls got louder and more excited...this is cool!

“Ladies, it is the vibrant, the vivacious, the venereal disease free....Cherry Darling!!!”   

And what surprised me more was that I got a roomful of laughter. It was a glib little comment, but the fact that I made some people laugh was astonishing and it gave me a brief glimpse as to why Cherry and the other drag acts on the circuit love doing what they do.

Anyhow, I hope Liz and her hens from Norwich had a nice night and Cherry and I wish her and Tim all the best for the future.

Seaside Fun!

Cherry and Clacton Tracy discussing the pros and cons of Rampant Rabbits

On Easter Saturday, Cherry was appearing at a Ladies Night at a club in Clacton.  Cherry had joined forces with a real force to be reckoned with, that is now lovingly known in our house as “Clacton Tracy”, one of the nicest Ann Summers reps we have met to date, and who had worked with Cherry in getting this event off the ground. 

Cherry did her usual mixture of comedy; singing and outright abuse and the ladies were very firmly entertained by two stalwarts of the ladies night circuit – namely Richard Kane and Temptation. But more on that later...

Clacton Tracy was busy promoting her wares and was also running a fairy wish competition where a bag of Ann Summers goodies was the prize...needless to say I was impressed that Cherry’s mum (aka my mum in law) actually won the prize – it was also interesting to see what items she had won afterwards, especially one that definitely WASN’T a Ladyshave....we’ll say know more, apart from the obvious that you definitely wouldn’t get a very close shave using it as one...

As you know I am responsible for Cherry’s sound equipment and this night was going to be my own personal nightmare – the one that every good DJ never wants to happen (not that I am a good DJ, or a DJ at all,  to be honest...) where you put a CD into the player, and nothing comes out!!!!  My own personal Hell...thankfully, keeping cool, calm and collected (ahem) and sweating like a fat bloke in Greggs, I finally got the CDs working, not once, but on both occasions for the dance acts...I think it was the threat of burning the equipment on a funeral pyre that did the trick, but it the one thing I really don’t want to happen to me, and it did...twice!

Well, all wasn’t bad – I got my photo taken with Temptation – I was meant to shake him by the hand, but I erm...kinda...missed, yes, that’s it, I missed his erm,  hand and erm, yeah, and blushed...

 I gave into Temptation ;)

And unfortunately Cherry injured herself during the night, and is now nursing a rather swollen wrist where she fell, arse over tit, on the decking outside.  Thankfully, nothing is broken, but an injured diva is a very unhappy diva.  Needless to say, Cherry is still single-handedly making her name on the Ladies Night Circuit.

Seaside Special!

For some reason I have always wanted to start a blog off with the shock opening, “Last night, Cherry got intimate with three Rotarians and a finger buffet...”, however, a better opportunity has arisen!

Last night, Cherry got intimate with two dozen Round Tablers over a three course meal in Bridlington! 

The agent originally said that the client was going to be the Freemasons in Bridlington – so Cherry had started to look for a sequin encrusted pinny on Ebay and had learnt the words to Cliff Richard and the Shadows 1959 hit “Apron Strings”, as she thought this would be funny; but when we were correctly told that it was Bridlington Round Table she thought it wouldn’t be appropriate...not too sure the Freemasons would have thought so either, but then the Freemasons aren’t known for their wacky sense of humour, just their bloody awful dress sense!  Unlike the Round Tablers of course...who were all suitably tuxedoed and looked rather smart - I have a penchant for a roomful of men in a tux and dickie...

Well, this was a first for me as I have never been to Bridlington – and the venue was a hotel not too far from the sea front. Needless to say we were very well looked after, a room on the ground floor that was available for Cherry’s dressing room, and we were fed as well, which we really appreciated – (future bookings please take note!!!!)

Again, this was another “first” for Cherry, as it was an all male audience – something that Cherry had not encountered before, so it was going to be an interesting time all round, a drag act in an all male environment...hmmmm. As you may know Cherry likes to push the envelope - well without going into too much detail it was well and truly pushed!

I have to say that it was a lovely night, as the Round Table audience were great sports, considering she abused the majority of them, gave the chairman his very own lap dance, and apparently rendering the group’s gobshite speechless is virtually unheard of, however Cherry managed it – nicely of course. Not too sure about the poor guy who ended up with Cherry's lipstick on his collar, try and explain that one away - thankfully, there were witnesses ...

In my opinion, I do believe that it takes more energy and interpersonal skills to entertain the more intimate audiences, as you have to have a rapport with virtually every person in the room for the night to succeed, otherwise you go down like Julian Clary on an oil rig!!    

Well, as usual, the night went too fast, but the Round Tablers were a great audience and their appreciation was wholly showed by giving Cherry a standing ovation, which I personally felt was a lovely touch. 

I was stopped by one of the gents afterwards and he commented on the fact that I had spent most of my night laughing along as well, which I truly had done.  As I do know Cherry’s act verbatim, it is amazing how much she still can make me laugh...

Yellow Is The Colour!!!!

Two weird things happened to me on Sunday...(this would April 1 2012 for the date conscious)...

1.       I lost a drag queen.

2.       I met a dog from Romania...

And it all happened on a Sunday afternoon in the middle of Cirencester...middle class middle England in the middle of Gloucestershire....however, I digress...

Cherry was asked to perform at a charity fashion show at said venue in aid of two local charities – Cloud 9 and Teckels – a number of celebrity clothes horses came to take part – actors, models, sportsmen and women - and the odd male stripper was there too, although they were more obvious the less clothes they wore – I am sure you get my drift and don’t need it pointing out to you...

Cherry, being as altruistic as ever, was happy to oblige when the call came through – and was in her element when she found out she was sharing the dressing room with a tranche of, well, how does one put it politely...man totty!!!!!

As usual, I had driven there (and found my way unlike the Colchester incident....) and our best mate ,Claire, and her 7 year old daughter, Ellie, travelled up with us.

Before anything had started, Cherry was getting herself sorted and plying the slap in the mirror. Ellie, being completely make-up obsessed, watched intensely asCherry plied the layers until it was complete.  Cherry was passing down little nuggets of wisdom, which I am sure Ellie will make use of - I am just concerned that before her 8th birthday she is going to look like Cherry's Mini-Me...

During a little recess, post make-up and pre-costume donning, we went and had a quick drink in the theatre’s cafe bar, where Ellie was lucky enough to get Willie Carson’s autograph...for her Dad of course...and also to meet Honey, a rescued dog from Romania. One of the models had brought her along to have in the fashion show, and she quickly gave a quick synopsis of Honey’s life, that she had been maltreated in her home country, and that these canine angels save them from this and give them a better life, fostered into a family home;loved, nurtured and taken care of as any pet should be, for the rest of their natural life.  I thought this was a rather touching subject and was impressed that there are people out there who do such acts of kindness for animals such as this.  So hence, this is how I met a dog from Romania.

Now, the second point is rather strange considering the costume Cherry was wearing – she had recently commissioned  a very bright egg-yolk yellow gown and floor length jacket from a very talented seamstress – and it was amazing that wherever Cherry was, she was always in view, like a mobile Belisha Beacon. 

However, we did get separated and one of the backstage crew found me and asked where Cherry was?  I looked around and realised that she was nowhere to be seen - for a split second of day-dreaming I had actually lost Cherry!!

Frantically, I started looking for Cherry, went into the auditorium to see if she was there, into the cafe, I even asked one of the theatre workers if they had they soon a 7ft tall drag queen dressed head to toe in yellow.  She looked blankly and said “not recently, no...”

Anyhow, I went backstage to say to the guys I couldn’t find her, when all of a sudden in her luminous glory, Cherry was stood in the wings, waiting to go on. The relief was immense, like having a big wee after a long journey on the motorway without any services...so all was right in the world.

And as usual I was on hand to rebuke any riposte that deserved to be rebuked, such as people calling Cherry “Sherry”, which is like a red rag to a bull to me...and for some unknown reason an ageing old bint with the tact of an armoured tank division sidled up to me and said, “Is that there the drag act that keeps dining out on the fact that she was once on “Britain’s Got Talent”??, to which I politely and firmly said, “No!”

“Oh that’s alright then,” she said. “This one’s much better, even if she is a bit cheeky!” and with a grin and a wave sidled off to find the rest of her senile delinquent friends.

The event was organised by Russell Nurding and supported the charities Cloud9 and Teckels.  Cherry and I hope that the charities go from strength to strength

Much love

M2D x x x

The Only Way is Cherry's

Cherry was invited to perform at Colchester’s only gay venue, The Vallies, at the beginning of March.  Let’s just say for all of its Olde Worlde charm, driving around Colchester with a frantic drag queen as a passenger at 9pm at night around an unknown one way system is not my idea of fun and a task not to be taken lightly – especially as I have the navigation skills of a dead homing pigeon and Cherry has the patience of a 7 year old on Christmas morning - not a good mix to have in an enclosed space...

Anyhow, I digress - we finally find the venue and the world seems a far nicer place. Cherry is less, well, if I use the term “frenzied” you would get the jist...but needless to say the best bit about The Vallies is the Daniels, a very accommodating couple of guys (not in the biblical sense but wouldn’t say no if asked as they are rather cute ...) both called Daniel, who actually manage the venue.  The one thing that I found really eye-catching about the venue was the innovative way that they advertised, by projecting approximately 25ft high poster-like images on to the side of the club – very Jean Michel Jarre.

Needless to say, the first thing that I appreciated was the fact that Cherry was allowed access to their apartment adjacent to the club, in order to get changed – this is a big thing as many a time Cherry and I have been stuck in a foetid pub urinal, trying to sort out Cherry’s tights without trying to kneel or step barefooted on a damp, newly pissed on floor, vying for space with the strippers, whilst trying to breathe in an atmosphere of oxygen, methane, Lynx and hair spray...believe me it has been known...

Although I have seen a few drag acts, the one thing different that I have noticed with Cherry is that from the time she is in the vicinity she is mixing with the patrons of the venue; even after her performance she will mingle, pose for photos and generally have a giggle until the bar closes – something that I think the club-goers like as well.

Also, the one thing that people should learn is that if you dare to try and upstage Cherry, she will wipe her arse with you – as some poor reprobate found out to his detriment when Cherry tried to make him dance topless as punishment for upstaging her.  If anyone does find the buttons from his shirt, please pass them on so he can repair it.  I am sure “monkey-boy” as he was so affectionately labelled, will know better next time.

Photo of Cherry Darling at The Vallies, courtesy of Jonathan Ballard

Thank You Fairy Much...

Once upon a time, a little girl was eagerly looking forward to her 7^th birthday party. She has created her ideal scenario...all her little friends have to come to her party dressed as princesses and in a community centre in the centre of Kidderminster, a transformation has occurred from a dreary magnolia municipal hall into a palatial wonderland for her special day. The castle turrets are in the back ground, the regal throne that the birthday princess sits on is in place and the parental minions are ushering food into place for this special day.  However, there was one thing this little girl really wanted – a fairy godmother is required to give out party bags to her princess friends as they leave the party – and it had to be no ordinary fairy godmother...it had to be Auntie Cherry...

Action stations!!!  Cherry took to this very seriously, the dress, the wings, the banter, and the worry of trying to be PC in front of lots of under ten year olds without saying “fuck” in front of them, played constantly on Cherry’s mind – it will be very difficult, but not impossible...

The dress - the little girl envisaged a blue dress...just like Cinderella’s fairy godmother, but unfortunately nothing of that ilk lies within Cherry’s boudoir (or our spare room as it’s generally known).  A dress is found, however, it was damaged during a ladies night in Worcester, where a male stripper with an off-the-wall dance routine paraded around with an oversized Chupa Chups lolly hanging from his Prince Albert – of course you cannot tell this to the little girl, just explain that a gang of magical mice are mending it as we speak – this appeases the little girl – as for the colour? “It will be sparkly!” announces Cherry – the little girl can’t wait to see it.

The wings – I envisaged a pair of wings that I bought from a toy store when I was looking for a costume at the 11^th hour – (I ended up wearing a pair of wings and a kilt and going as The Flying Scotsman (think about it...)) Unfortunately, these wings had been discarded in disgust by Cherry as they were far too small.  However, after much searching, and via the power of the internet, a pair of ethereal, wing-like appendages is found...in America.  The helpful lady on the other side of the pond has been told of Cherry’s plight – she starts to fashion a pair of wings and promises they will be with her by the deadline.  But, we have to point out that this person in the USA is crap at adding up and every time Cherry hears from her, the price has risen.  Cherry becomes mightily ticked off by the wing maker and threatens a very un-fairy god motherly plague of karmic evil upon her for causing these major problems, but the wing maker sees the error of her ways (and promises to buy a calculator) and the situation is placated and in turn prevents a large wooden structure from landing on her.  The wings arrive and are collected just in time for that special day.  They are two pieces of shimmering gauze draped from a wire contraption that attaches to the wearer via some strange machinations that also involve a bra.  Thankfully, Cherry wears one wherever she goes and the wings are attached and are kept in place – just!

The banter – I envisaged issues here - we’ll get back to this...

The big day arrives, the party is in full swing and Fairy Godmother Cherry is at home getting ready for the party.  The costume is in place – she is dressed, corseted, winged, wigged and goes out the door, only to realise that the front seat of your general 5 door hatchback car does not take into account the paraphernalia of a Fairy Godmother Drag Queen’s costume.  She gets in gingerly, but has to remove the wig in order to fully get in.  The wings are carefully tucked behind her and gathered up before the door is shut – Cherry has to sit rather awkwardly in order to not damage her wings. So, with Cherry fully in place in the passenger seat, looking extremely uncomfortable and having more than a passing resemblance of a transvestite Quasi Modo, we head off to the party.  But alas, there is more to this woeful tale.

We get to our destination and the party is in full swing – but the weather is not kind to us (i.e. it is pissing down).  The Heavens opened as soon as we arrive, but Fairy Godmother Cherry cannot enter the party looking like a drowned rat, but unfortunately there is no other choice but for Cherry (with wings) makes a mad dash for cover, hurling abuse at the weather, my parking, her wings, and all and sundry that is in hearing – the door opens and Fairy Godmother Cherry makes a very regal entrance.  The birthday princess is ecstatic that her special guest has arrived, whilst the other guests look on bemused, but then do take part in the fun. 

The Fairy Godmother takes part in their games, doing the hokey cokey with them, a dancing competition, where everybody got a prize – unfortunately the prize was left over party food, which went down with the young prize winners like a bacon sandwich at a synagogue.

It goes without saying that Operation Fairygodmotherdragqueen was a success...and I did hear a rumour that the Tooth Fairy is looking for someone to job share...

And the little girl had a great birthday party and she lived happily ever after.

The End

Cherry Does Leicester

Friday night (20 January 2012) was a major blast from the past for Cherry, as she did a gig in her home town of Leicester, in a bar that she used to trawl, herself, when she was young, free and rampant...actually the rampant is still very much there...

It was great to watch her just take to the stage (I say stage - it was a 6 inch high platform that Anne Boleyn had been previously beheaded on I think).  I was a little concerned to start off with because it didn’t look that full in the main area of the bar, however during the time she was on she had a throng of people around the stage, listening to her banter, being bitched at (ok, insulted...) and picking on people that she recognised from 20 years ago, and they had no idea who she was of course...Of course it was a gay venue and for Cherry this was the first time she had dipped her ruby slippered  toe in to the gay scene – and may I personally say I think she did a bloody good job of it too – even if I do say so myself – and I am rather biased.  Well, not totally – I think it is a great achievement when the crowd shout encore, which they did.  At least I think that’s what they shouted...

The Only Way is Cherry!!!

The one thing that I have always worried about with Cherry is that I want her to be liked by the audience; but as we all know, the audience is a very fickle mistress to please.   In the main, Cherry is a very affable and approachable character and she is really doing what a good comedy performer would do and create a rapport with the audience using “witty banter” as Cherry so succinctly puts it.  (OK, insulting people for the sheer hell of it, but that’s a perk of being a drag artist...) More to the point, the audience is also indulged when Cherry focuses on herself as the comedy element of the routine, inviting the audience to laugh at her and her antics.  Her looks, her stature, her background story, all of it is her own personal heckle to herself and suffice to say the audience are generally in hysterics during this - and that is how it should be - a sort of comedy payback to the audience for indulging her in her wicked banter. 

As mentioned before, the one thing you want to do for your loved ones in any situation is that you want to protect them from any adversity and I occasionally find it very difficult when Cherry does get this from an audience member, as my first instinct (as her partner) is to wade in with my size 12s and retaliate with a verbal shoeing and give the blinkered philistine a very big piece of my mind.  However, as Cherry quite rightly, and regularly points out, it is not good PR to do such things – so I end up smouldering with anger and willing for some negative karmic experience to fall upon the snotty little runt! 

However, over the years I have noticed how Cherry deals with these situations and must admit that she is right in what she does and in turn I have learnt how to deal with similar adverse situations.   I just wish I had learnt them sooner as it would have saved me from a lot of pain and suffering...

I have worked in the construction industry for nearly 25 years and it is probably one of the most difficult industries to work in as a gay guy - and for all the diversity laws, the training and policies put in place, there will always be a situation where these are of no benefit to you – however, legally they should be.  In a previous job, someone in an elevated management position thought it was ok for him to refer to my lifestyle in a derogatory manner and said a lot of hurtful things, all meant “as a joke”.  When I confronted HR about these issues I was politely told that I shouldn’t really take it to heart and it was really his style of humour – so being humiliated on a daily basis was ok without any retaliation.

After a while it got that constant that I dreaded going to work, couldn’t concentrate and even thought about attempting suicide – driving down the M42 waiting for the opportunity to plough into the central reservation and ending it all; not the nicest of thoughts, but having them really scared me.  Finally, I resigned - I tried to explain the reasons as to why, but even then nothing was fully taken into account apart from the main instigator saying, “It was only meant as a joke...”  What made me more angry was that I let it happen and develop, which in turn caused me to become ill and have time off with stress and major depression – it’s not a nice place to be and I vowed myself never to go back there, and thankfully I haven’t, thanks to Cherry.

I have always been told that I have a very pragmatic outlook on life, which I don’t think is a bad thing as it gives a good balance to the other half of the relationship with Cherry/Hubby who is generally out there in the galaxy thinking of higher things (his aspirations as an entertainer, how to achieve greater success, what colour sequined frock should be bought next - etc.) but having fully embraced “The Way of Cherry” I have a better outlook on life in general and the ability to deal with adverse situations calmly and to not take it personally and if all else fails be brave enough to retaliate using humour. 

After all, if all else fails, I do know a 7ft Amazonian drag queen who will do the job properly...you have been warned....

December Will Be Magic Again

I have entitled this blog with a song title that Kate Bush wrote back in the late seventies – in homage to one of my favourite singers of all time, and because it is my blog and I can do what the hell I like – oh and because it is rather apt too.

Well, generally, December is the month of plenty with regards to gigs - unfortunately not this weekend, giving what I know and what I had to deal with I should’ve pulled the duvet over my head and not surfaced until Monday morning.

 Friday night was going to be a local gig, at a venue recently played that was very well received previously – I was more excited because my sound system had been upgraded by Cherry – I was like a pig in the proverbial...gadgetry galore and all mine, MINE!  Cherry was halfway through getting ready before the bombshell was dropped.  I had all the kit up and working (I was pleased that I remembered which cable went where and the system was bouncing with cheesy Xmas tunes), when the organiser said he was cancelling...not a good start to the Xmas season, especially with the possibility of a hernia after lugging the new equipment around...and all for nothing!

However, all was not lost! Cherry had been booked for a gig in London – we don’t get to do London very often and any opportunity is grabbed.  The only thing I had not bargained on was the drive straight through London!!! As a West Londoner (that has escaped) and after having worked for the majority of my working career in central London, I vowed never to drive through London again. Well that went to the wall as the dominatrix on the sat-nav demanded I drive straight through, past various landmarks of my career – I pointed out jobs on the way that I had priced for and had been the surveyor on, such as the re-paving of the taxi rank in front of Baker Street tube station; I was awarded a look of non-plussed disregard from hubby, which was interrupted by Miss Whiplash demanding that I drive straight ahead!!!  I took the hint, shut up and drove....

The venue was in Hackney - we were met by the organiser and directed to Cherry’s dressing room, which remarkably resembled and smelt like the gents urinal...and was also to be shared with the two strippers...and it was not the most spacious of areas either.  After spraying the room with something that didn’t smell like pee, Cherry started getting ready. I made myself busy getting Cherry’s costumes ready, hanging them off the bars of the recently painted windows (tres chic)  and ensuring that they didn’t fall into any damp patches on the floor – smelling of pee when you are in your thirties is not a good thing, especially someone else’s.

It was not the most salubrious of venues, even the Ann Summers rep looked like she was tooled up just in case anything kicked off!  It wasn’t the easiest of venues either, as it was a huge U shape and Cherry could only manage to play to 50% of the audience at any one time – but worse was to come.  The night was marred by someone in the audience stealing £300 from the organiser’s handbag, which in turn amounted to total chaos...I felt like an extra on a re-run of Shameless, and was subject to a major cockney cacophony of shrill inebriated ladies making threats and demands simultaneously, whilst allegations flew left right and centre !! 

Needless to say the police got involved (i.e. turned up and looked surly) but as we weren’t under suspicion we were allowed to leave and make our way back to Worcestershire.  The drive home was long and the events of the last 48 hours had put a major dent into our Christmas spirits – the London gig being marred by the theft, the cancellation of the Friday gig, our confidence had taken a bit of a shoeing. However, as I genuinely do believe, things can only get better as they certainly couldn’t get worse, but I also do believe that for us and Cherry, December Will Be Magic Again.

What's the Attraction?

Well, it has been quite a while since I have written anything for my blog, not that I haven’t got much to write about...on the contrary, I have far too much to write about in this weird scenario that I have in my life, that I actually find the concept of writing anything rather daunting.

Anyhow, enough of this rambling....

Hubby and I were having a conversation one evening recently and we ended up having a discussion about a rather strange issue that seems to pop up at frequent intervals during Cherry Darling’s performances. There are times, when perfectly rational (and generally sober) men, have actually become besotted with Cherry and have tried to become her significant other. I know! It surprises me, but it has really happened.  I did wonder if it was done as a sort of bet, or if they were just playing along, which of course does happen and that is understandable, however in some cases it gets a bit more serious than just flirting and buggering about, they want a relationship!

We always knew that a drag act is a bit of a “Marmite” experience, there would always be a split audience where drag queens were concerned – and it is generally men of a certain generation, around 50-60 years old, (not that I am judgmental or anything about these old blinkered gits...) who usually the negative outlook on this sort of entertainment and have the need to say something like, “Whoa careful, backs to the wall, here comes that tranny!” thinking that someone of such style and taste Like Mme Darling herself, would want to play tonsil hockey with some ageing social outcast, but not wanting to generalise (oh bugger it, it’s out there now...) they are what the general populace would refer to as “mingers”, with comb over hair, very few of their own teeth, halitosis that could floor a rhino, with the dress sense of Hannibal Lecter – mask optional.

But we are not going to waste anymore time talking about these myopic deadbeats, although it’s good fun, but it is the flip side of that coin, it’s those guys who become besotted by Cherry - straight, gay, (even a lesbian once made advances) it astounds me that such an attraction can occur with someone, who for all intents and purposes, is a bloke in a dress!!

I do admit that there have been times where men, who are slightly worse for wear, do actually mistake Cherry for a woman and make advances.  Of course, Cherry plays along and enjoys the awkwardness when they actually find out.  There has even been one instance where Cherry has been actually out in drag, pulled a bloke and snogged him rotten, whilst his wife stood and watched on bemused (I have to say this is before we got together, however I have had it confirmed from a reliable source).  She tried to intervene, but Cherry told her to "wait outside until I have finished!!!" And she did too...

There have been numerous men on social network sites asking for dates, and more besides... men from both the straight and gay side of things have wanted Cherry to be their girlfriend, even when they knew ‘she’ was a ‘he’ who was civilly partnered, they didn’t care about that aspect - they wanted Cherry to be their significant other and they wanted to take her out and spoil her and bring her back home to me afterwards. It reminded me of a drag version of “Memoirs of a Geisha”, only with more makeup and less sushi.

The piece-de-resistance occurred last year, when Cherry was working in London at a party where a host of A-list celebrities had also been invited to, that an extremely wealthy, tuxedoed (and straight) gent actually proposed to her, knowing full well she was a cock in a frock.  Of course Cherry actually admitted to being married already and declined, much to this gent’s disappointment (and mine...we could’ve had a Sugar Daddy!!!) but the gender illusion has that much power it ceases to amaze me.

And I suppose you are wondering how I feel about all this unwanted attention? Well, to be honest, I just sit back and watch the events unfold, I just wish I had popcorn...

When Cherry is dressed and out there doing her thing I know it is an act – and to be perfectly honest I am not a jealous person, in my view it is a very negative emotion and causes a great deal of problems amongst couples and I have seen the damage it can cause. It does help that I am very reserved and sometimes people do worry and actually check to see if I am alive and to see there is still a pulse.  Of course there is a negative side to this attention, which has caused a number of people to stalk Cherry, which worried me, but so far has been managed and nothing major has occurred and long may it continue.  So long as everyone has a good time, feels good about themselves, enjoys the show and has a positive experience then it’s not a problem.

Also, whilst I am writing, I am going to mention that Cherry is going to appear on TV on The Weakest Link on Monday 3^rd October, on BBC2 at 2.15pm. I hope you tune in...

FAQs

I have only been involved with the Drag Scene for only a short while (and it’s always from a safe distance, off stage and entirely out of harm’s way of any DJ equipment...) but when the crowd know that I am Cherry’s real partner, I find myself in the midst of attention and have numerous questions fired at me, generally about my role in Cherry Darling’s life.  Some questions are quite thought provoking, and some are just downright smutty...although I usually do have a good ole laugh about it - usually at their expense - when they are stood there awaiting my response.  Well, I didn’t say I was polite about, it did I?

So I thought it would be fun to share with you some of the questions I have been asked and my general response to them.

Married To Drag FAQs

FAQ1.    What is your role when working with Cherry?

Basically, I assist where I can – am a runner for things if Cherry needs a drink or a kebab...I carry stuff to and from the car, I help Cherry dress as her intricate corsetry needs a burly man to help get it on...unfortunately we can never find one so I have to oblige...I set up and work the PA system (although I am not a DJ and no I don’t do requests...) and basically ensure Cherry gets to a venue on time and we leave the venue with the minimum of fuss after she has spent most of the evening offending the entire audience.

FAQ2.    You work the PA system sometimes when you are out with Cherry, are you very technically minded?

                Well, basically, you have to remember what plugs in where and be able to run ITunes for the songs – a trained chimp could do it...could you hand me that banana please??

FAQ3.    What do you like about the reaction that Cherry gets when she is out and about?

I like the fact it is very varied – women just flock around her and want make-up tips, young gay guys want to be adopted, and straight men just don’t know how to handle the situation. I have seen the majority take it in good stead, but it is typically straight men of 50+ years old that cannot handle it and vacate the premises – and when Cherry confronts them you can see them backing into a wall trying to dig themselves through using their shoulder blades.

FAQ4.    Has Cherry ever been out-bitched?

Not yet, no...although certain girls have tried and failed miserably - but so far the girls in Liverpool give as good as they get and still take it in good fun – so I would call that a stalemate there.  In the recent filming of Cherry on “The Weakest Link”, even the Queen of Mean herself was very strategically bitched at...but I am sure the BBC will edit it to not make it look like it was (not that I am a conspiracy theorist at all!!!!)

FAQ5.    Is Cherry your sister?

                Err, no! (And yes, I have actually been asked this...)

FAQ6.    Do you get dressed up in drag as well?

                No!

FAQ7.    Have you ever been tempted to drag up at all?

No, I would look like a trucker in a frock. Well I did once, but it was back at college and for charity...I pretended to be Cilla Black on Blind Date, and Kate Bush - not at the same time of course...

FAQ8.    No, honestly, have you ever been tempted, like, to ever get dressed up in Cherry’s stuff??

Not out of choice, however, if Hubby wants to see what shoes or hair looks like I have BRIEFLY modelled it for him so he gets to see what it looks like, but very rarely has that happened. And I have never tried any of the dresses on as that would be a fate worse than death.

FAQ9.    What about the make-up then?  Have you ever been made up using his make-up kit?

                Not by Hubby – no...     

FAQ10. What does that mean?

Weeeeeellll.....I was back stage with our friend and all round wonderful person, Lisa, and she dared me to wear some – well I re-enacted a scene from “My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding”, where a girl talks about getting on “her rouge, her lipstick and a beauty spot...”when Cherry walked in, looked at me in dismay, told me I looked a twat – and then waltzed off with the wipes so I couldn’t take it off...

FAQ11. Do you get anything out of seeing Cherry done up in drag?

Yeah, I am really proud that my Hubby has the balls to actually go out and entertain a crowd of people and make them laugh whilst wearing a dress - that takes some guts.

FAQ12. No, what I meant was, do you get any kinky sexual kick out of your Hubby dressed as Cherry?

I had gathered that - now pi** off you dirty pervert before I break your nose.

FAQ13. No – really – do you?

               NO!

FAQ14. Is Cherry high maintenance? You must have the patience of a Saint...

               No comment... and you have NO idea....

FAQ15. What’s it like living with your Hubby, but also with his alter-ego?

               Read my blog, and you will find out more (HINT!)

For Every "Up" There Is A "Down".

Being married to drag, there are times when I feel the support and assistance I give is for a really worthwhile career investment for Cherry - then there are times when you feel that it leaves you very disheartened and with a very nasty taste in your mouth – what I usually refer to as, “a bit of a pooh sandwich!!”

For instance, Cherry has been recently recruited by a show bar in Cardiff, to join the throng of a group of extremely talented drag artistes that perform there.

(I would love to know what the name for a collection of Drag Queens is. A gaggle? A herd? A drama?)  

I was extremely nervous for Cherry during her premiere there, but Cherry and I were welcomed very warmly by her Welsh peers and my fears were quickly allayed. It was all really nice and friendly - none of this Hollywood cliché, of a gang of semi-dressed divas, spitting venom at each other and crowding around one mirror with a mascara wand in one hand and a pair of stilettos in the other, but perhaps that’ll happen next time hopefully!!  Whatever happens I am really looking forward to it and I would recommend a night out at Minsky’s in Cardiff to you all, and if you ever see me in there, mine’s a southern comfort and diet coke, thanks !  

That was the up side.  However, for every up there has to be a down – pooh sandwich time....

 Hubby really wants to get back on to the theatre stage and went to audition for the role as the Dame in a locally run amateur panto company – he has done numerous semi-pro plays, pantos and shows in his life and thought it would be good to get back into it and contacted a local group nearby (so doing the “giving back to the community”, “working in your local area” bit –blah blah yawn blah.....) 

From what I could tell the local theatre group was a bit of a clique of pompous, pretend faux luvvies, which I am not wholly fond of. We waited a while until Hubby’s number was called – he went through and for the first time during the auditions I could actually hear someone sing from the audition room – the staff in the waiting room were stood in awe, listening and were very impressed with it. I then heard the director laugh, and this was also commented on by one of the clique as being a good sign.  Whilst waiting, they asked who I was and said I was his dresser, chauffeur, right hand man, left hand man and so on. They started to push me to see if I would like to become assimilated into the collective, perhaps in the costume section or as the stage prompt;  scenery, lighting or props (oh my...), they went through everything. I politely declined with a fixed grin on my face and waited in anguish for Hubby to re-emerge from the audition room.  Eventually he did and then we beat a hasty retreat.

Unfortunately, the phone call he got after the audition was to say no. Apparently he was too ‘pretty’ to be a Dame... which to me sounded a bit lame, (ooh that rhymed...) and a load of old bollocks to be honest.  I was sad for Hubby, but honestly wasn’t surprised, as these sort of self involved little nodules of people have a blinkered outlook on what talent and experience should be – oh well, at least we have still got Cardiff and Minsky’s to look forward to.

Who Let The Drag Out!

Apologies to those of you that take regular time out to read the blog, however it has been rather on the busy side for Cherry and her plans of world domination (or is that meant to be Dominatrix, I forget...)

There has been an increase (well a mighty surge) in the purchase of shoes, costumes and jewellery (oh my...) and not to mention wigs – the house looks like a drag queen has exploded in the middle of it with drag shrapnel in every available area – I think this week is going to be used to try and contain the drag fallout in one area of the house, although I think it would be easier trying to herd cats...

Loads of interesting objects have been posted to Cherry over the week, so much so I think Parcelforce are thinking of opening a sub-office next door to save time in Cherry’s deliveries. We have enough cardboard boxes to re-house London’s homeless,   well the recycling team will need to make two trips when they come to empty the bins come Wednesday...

Costumes now have their own rack – in the spare room....the Muppet Show in the loft has increased in size and it now looks like the Rio Mardi Gras is hiding up there trying to avoid extradition.  As for the heads on top of the wardrobe, they don’t know it yet, but they are being re-homed into the spare room at some point, although I hope they don’t start demanding squatters’ rights...