PA systems have recently become the bane of my life.
Should there be a need, Cherry has a PA system, which generally resides in our downstairs cloakroom between gigs and doubles up as a shelf for loo paper. This piece of kit does get used rather infrequently, but it is a good thing to have as you can be more flexible and go to places that do not have PA systems. One such place was a cricket pavilion in the bowels of deepest Gloucestershire...I am not judgemental in any way shape or form, however, upon our arrival, in the far off distance I swore I heard banjos...
Needless to say we were worried that we had got the right address. Nigella, our satnav has led us a merry dance across the Midlands on numerous occasions, but this place had no visible entrance and for all accounts and purposes looked like a rural crack den. We checked again and Nigella told me in a very resigned tone of voice, that I had "reached my destination", to which she was instantly slammed back in the glove box. Thankfully, after a few moments another car came down the track, which turned out to be the organiser of this ladies night. She opened up the venue and to be honest it turned out to be a nice little venue, albeit chilly and remote, but nice - banjos permitting.
Hubby sashayed in and started putting Cherry together, whilst I was left to put together the PA System - apparently my building background and the fact I can wire up the wii to the TV is proof enough that I can do this....I reserved judgement, although I had ensured it all worked prior to using it; as a typical bloke I had the foresight to check all the bits were there and it all wired together correctly. This took a lot of guessing. The first stumbling block was that the PA system was GERMAN, and therefore had continental plugs. (Hubby saw it on ebay and thought it was a bargain...probably misread the cost in deutsch marks!!!) However, this was easily corrected - continental adaptors from B&Q, the job was a goodun.
Following the rather sketchy German diagrammatics, the final result worked, however it looked like a bomb had gone off on the Millennium Falcon. Wiring was everywhere, but I had Donna Summer's "Hot Stuff" blaring out of speakers and it worked. Yay me!
I had to now replicate this set up again, and whilst doing so it had dawned on me that I had to lug this system, bit by bit, up a flight of stairs. Needless to say I am not the fittest person in the world, and I shall spare you the details...panting, perspiring poofs are not that nicest thing to write about, however it does depend in which context you are writing about them in....anyhow I digress...
The spot where the system was being set up was a nice little corner on the dance floor with two plug sockets. I went to task, installing the system, and after a while, realised I needed 3 sockets - one for the system, one for the laptop with the tunes on, and one for the radio mic. Also one of the sockets had a heater plugged into it, which I resignedly unplugged and went and told Cherry about the problem. The news was not taken very well, and I was told to go and buy an extension lead...unfortunately there are very few retail outlets open in rural Gloucestershire at 8pm. This point was glossed over by a rather furious hubby that was mid-drag, so I decided to go and look for alternative solutions, like finding a venue with more plug sockets...
After aimlessly wandering around the venue I spied at the back of the bar an extension cable, which I snatched and ran back to the PA system with and started to plug everything in - I could even plug back in the heater, all was good with the world as that would keep me toastie warm during the show, as I was going to be the resident DJ for the night...which is my own personal nightmare. I do suffer for my husband's art. I really do not like being the centre of attention or being on stage - a very bad bout of stage fright as a teenager during a school show put paid to that, I am saying no more....
Next thing was to get the radio mic to work - again electronics are not my forte and I was constantly worrying why every time I turned the mic on there would be this ear splitting scream resounding from the system. A rushed phone call to an ex international DJ friend (yeah, how cool is that???) asking his advice, finally realised that the mic could not be in front of the speakers or you get feedback. The penny dropped, as I was testing it directly in front of the speakers (d'oh!) The speakers were rearranged to prevent this happening again. The system was now working fine - the background music was playing off the laptop, and the mic was behaving itself. Good stuff!
As the night started, I took my place behind the system, and introduced Cherry onto the stage. At this point I should point out that this took place over the week of Remembrance Day and Cherry was having two minutes' silence before each show in respect of those lost in the wars. Cherry made her entrance with poppies the size of tea plates festooning her wig, and an air of reverence radiated from her as she asked the audience for the traditional two minutes silence. During this time I was supposed to queue the music for "The Last Post", what she got was a very abrupt blast of the opening of Donna Summer's "Hot Stuff". Needless to say my career as DJ was short lived.
May I say thank you to our good friend James, aka International DJ James Fierce, whose assistance I called upon during this fateful evening, and who celebrates the big four zero today - many happy returns mate x x x
