Paranormal Dragtivity

So, when going out on a paranormal event with a Drag Queen, what comment will you hear first?

A.     I am sensing paranormal energy close by?"

B.      Have you brought a torch?

C.      Your face looks like a bag of smashed crabs!!!

If you went with either A or B - you are watching Most Haunted with Yvette Fielding and it’s more than likely a re-run on LivingTV.  However, if you said C then perhaps, just perhaps, you have stumbled upon a haunted hen night with Cherry Darling!

Cherry Darling, the Diva of Darkness herself - welcomed Shona and her hen party to The Museum of Wizardology (it’s also lovingly referred to as The Creaky Cauldron) in Stratford upon Avon, for their very own Scream With a Queen.  She then tirelessly abused them, typical Cherry style, although she would call it constructive criticism...be warned, never where mustard and purple at the same time, or man made fibres, as it offends our sequin dripped Diva.

For years, hubby and I have been visiting this place, because of its quirky character (and I am not referring to the owner, Dave Matthews in this instance) and the fact that it has three all encompassing things that we love, namely the history of witchcraft, shopping...and The Wizard of Oz...

Cherry and Proprietor of Creaky Cauldron, Dave Matthews

All seemed the perfect location to host such an event - and bugger me were we right!  It was, in all honesty, at The Creaky Cauldron, where I lost my scepticism about the paranormal - and the contents of my bowels at the same time!!

Since then I have been on numerous ghost hunts and have since become rather ambivalent about it - not because I don’t believe, but because my first experience has never been bettered! Until now...

Laughter, it is said, increases the energy levels in a haunted location, which in turn, it is hoped, for paranormal activity to occur. Well, with Cherry doing her stuff at the helm, she was certainly getting this group of revellers into the swing of things.

Once the girls had been fed and watered, Cherry started doing her crystal ball readings - which, with the greatest respect are very tongue-in-cheek, but were so funny that the laughter was unstoppable, nigh on pant wetting!!  It was then that the inevitable flip side of the night happened, where certain members of the party had situations and events happen that they could not explain. Things also happened to Cherry too - the Queen was really screaming! At one point I thought she had re-drawn her eyebrows a couple of inches higher than normal and I could also see goose-bumps through the makeup, which apparently you are not supposed to...

Shona getting a reading from Cherry's Ball

I also found it fascinating that when the girls got back together and started talking about things, lots of interesting information started to come through and the coincidences that were occurring from what they were relaying and from the previous ghost hunts there and the limited information I have of the property, it was all becoming rather spooky.  Of course I am not going to delve further into this as it would be like reading all those bloody awful soap spoilers that you read in women’s magazines....not that I have read that many you understand (ahem...), you need to find out all about it yourself - mwahahahahahahahaahaaaaaaa

Finally, our thanks to Jay and Sean for looking after everything (and for feeding me too) and also to Dave for letting us hold one of the most eventful SWAQ  parties at the wonderfully creepy, Creaky Cauldron.

PS - Cherry does a fab fairy god-mother too

PPS so long as it isn’t raining and she doesn’t crush her wings in transit...

Scream With A Queen - Still Screaming!!

It was precisely a year ago this month that I blogged about “Scream With A Queen”, where Cherry is the hostess with the mostess and gets a party of intrepid party goers geared up and raring to go on a ghost hunt.  Well, Saturday just gone was one of those evenings, held in the salubrious location of  Tutbury Castle in Derbyshire.  The castle still belongs to “The Crown”.  It has been documented to have been a temporary home for Mary Queen of Scots, just before Elizabeth I ordered her to have her final haircut - you know, where everything from the neck up is removed!!!!

For the first time ever, we were actually caught late due to traffic and turned up after the hen party Cherry was entertaining had got there. Well, panic stations wasn’t the word - I have never put a PA system together so fast in my life -  although I was still mystified why the CD players wouldn’t work, but not to worry the music on the laptop was working.  I was just a bit miffed that this “new” system was heavy to lug about, and after getting a hernia moving the bugger it still wouldn’t play a CD...(OK miffed is not the word, mightily pissed off describes it better...)

Thankfully the hen party were being served dinner, which meant we had time to get organised and Cherry to transform.

Whilst helping hubby into his corsetry I was wondering to myself what would have Elizabethan England made of Cherry...then realised that it was probably due to Elizabethan England and the likes of Shakespeare that Drag Queens exist!!!

Apparently, women were not allowed to be actors back in Shakespeare’s time and it fell to the men to play the female parts - and if so, then the acronym DRAG was used against the parts that were required to be played as women, which apparently represented that the actor “DRessed As Girl”. Whether this is true or not, I don’t know, but it is quite a nice idea to think that the history of Drag is far richer for it.

Anyhow, I digress - eventually Cherry was ready to start the night off for the hen party and it fell to me to introduce her - which I am not keen to do as I have a real issue about being the centre of attention, plus I didn’t want to sound like one of those cheesy mobile DJ’s that you get at weddings...

“ Are you ready for some entertainment ladies!”, to which I got a resounding “Yes!” (And Cheesy Mobile DJ Kev is born...bugger...)

“Are you ready to meet the new Princess of the Paranormal??” again a huge shout of “Yes!”

“Are you ready to meet the Diva of Darkness??” - the girls got louder and more excited...this is cool!

“Ladies, it is the vibrant, the vivacious, the venereal disease free....Cherry Darling!!!”   

And what surprised me more was that I got a roomful of laughter. It was a glib little comment, but the fact that I made some people laugh was astonishing and it gave me a brief glimpse as to why Cherry and the other drag acts on the circuit love doing what they do.

Anyhow, I hope Liz and her hens from Norwich had a nice night and Cherry and I wish her and Tim all the best for the future.

Seaside Fun!

Cherry and Clacton Tracy discussing the pros and cons of Rampant Rabbits

On Easter Saturday, Cherry was appearing at a Ladies Night at a club in Clacton.  Cherry had joined forces with a real force to be reckoned with, that is now lovingly known in our house as “Clacton Tracy”, one of the nicest Ann Summers reps we have met to date, and who had worked with Cherry in getting this event off the ground. 

Cherry did her usual mixture of comedy; singing and outright abuse and the ladies were very firmly entertained by two stalwarts of the ladies night circuit – namely Richard Kane and Temptation. But more on that later...

Clacton Tracy was busy promoting her wares and was also running a fairy wish competition where a bag of Ann Summers goodies was the prize...needless to say I was impressed that Cherry’s mum (aka my mum in law) actually won the prize – it was also interesting to see what items she had won afterwards, especially one that definitely WASN’T a Ladyshave....we’ll say know more, apart from the obvious that you definitely wouldn’t get a very close shave using it as one...

As you know I am responsible for Cherry’s sound equipment and this night was going to be my own personal nightmare – the one that every good DJ never wants to happen (not that I am a good DJ, or a DJ at all,  to be honest...) where you put a CD into the player, and nothing comes out!!!!  My own personal Hell...thankfully, keeping cool, calm and collected (ahem) and sweating like a fat bloke in Greggs, I finally got the CDs working, not once, but on both occasions for the dance acts...I think it was the threat of burning the equipment on a funeral pyre that did the trick, but it the one thing I really don’t want to happen to me, and it did...twice!

Well, all wasn’t bad – I got my photo taken with Temptation – I was meant to shake him by the hand, but I erm...kinda...missed, yes, that’s it, I missed his erm,  hand and erm, yeah, and blushed...

 I gave into Temptation ;)

And unfortunately Cherry injured herself during the night, and is now nursing a rather swollen wrist where she fell, arse over tit, on the decking outside.  Thankfully, nothing is broken, but an injured diva is a very unhappy diva.  Needless to say, Cherry is still single-handedly making her name on the Ladies Night Circuit.

Seaside Special!

For some reason I have always wanted to start a blog off with the shock opening, “Last night, Cherry got intimate with three Rotarians and a finger buffet...”, however, a better opportunity has arisen!

Last night, Cherry got intimate with two dozen Round Tablers over a three course meal in Bridlington! 

The agent originally said that the client was going to be the Freemasons in Bridlington – so Cherry had started to look for a sequin encrusted pinny on Ebay and had learnt the words to Cliff Richard and the Shadows 1959 hit “Apron Strings”, as she thought this would be funny; but when we were correctly told that it was Bridlington Round Table she thought it wouldn’t be appropriate...not too sure the Freemasons would have thought so either, but then the Freemasons aren’t known for their wacky sense of humour, just their bloody awful dress sense!  Unlike the Round Tablers of course...who were all suitably tuxedoed and looked rather smart - I have a penchant for a roomful of men in a tux and dickie...

Well, this was a first for me as I have never been to Bridlington – and the venue was a hotel not too far from the sea front. Needless to say we were very well looked after, a room on the ground floor that was available for Cherry’s dressing room, and we were fed as well, which we really appreciated – (future bookings please take note!!!!)

Again, this was another “first” for Cherry, as it was an all male audience – something that Cherry had not encountered before, so it was going to be an interesting time all round, a drag act in an all male environment...hmmmm. As you may know Cherry likes to push the envelope - well without going into too much detail it was well and truly pushed!

I have to say that it was a lovely night, as the Round Table audience were great sports, considering she abused the majority of them, gave the chairman his very own lap dance, and apparently rendering the group’s gobshite speechless is virtually unheard of, however Cherry managed it – nicely of course. Not too sure about the poor guy who ended up with Cherry's lipstick on his collar, try and explain that one away - thankfully, there were witnesses ...

In my opinion, I do believe that it takes more energy and interpersonal skills to entertain the more intimate audiences, as you have to have a rapport with virtually every person in the room for the night to succeed, otherwise you go down like Julian Clary on an oil rig!!    

Well, as usual, the night went too fast, but the Round Tablers were a great audience and their appreciation was wholly showed by giving Cherry a standing ovation, which I personally felt was a lovely touch. 

I was stopped by one of the gents afterwards and he commented on the fact that I had spent most of my night laughing along as well, which I truly had done.  As I do know Cherry’s act verbatim, it is amazing how much she still can make me laugh...

Yellow Is The Colour!!!!

Two weird things happened to me on Sunday...(this would April 1 2012 for the date conscious)...

1.       I lost a drag queen.

2.       I met a dog from Romania...

And it all happened on a Sunday afternoon in the middle of Cirencester...middle class middle England in the middle of Gloucestershire....however, I digress...

Cherry was asked to perform at a charity fashion show at said venue in aid of two local charities – Cloud 9 and Teckels – a number of celebrity clothes horses came to take part – actors, models, sportsmen and women - and the odd male stripper was there too, although they were more obvious the less clothes they wore – I am sure you get my drift and don’t need it pointing out to you...

Cherry, being as altruistic as ever, was happy to oblige when the call came through – and was in her element when she found out she was sharing the dressing room with a tranche of, well, how does one put it politely...man totty!!!!!

As usual, I had driven there (and found my way unlike the Colchester incident....) and our best mate ,Claire, and her 7 year old daughter, Ellie, travelled up with us.

Before anything had started, Cherry was getting herself sorted and plying the slap in the mirror. Ellie, being completely make-up obsessed, watched intensely asCherry plied the layers until it was complete.  Cherry was passing down little nuggets of wisdom, which I am sure Ellie will make use of - I am just concerned that before her 8th birthday she is going to look like Cherry's Mini-Me...

During a little recess, post make-up and pre-costume donning, we went and had a quick drink in the theatre’s cafe bar, where Ellie was lucky enough to get Willie Carson’s autograph...for her Dad of course...and also to meet Honey, a rescued dog from Romania. One of the models had brought her along to have in the fashion show, and she quickly gave a quick synopsis of Honey’s life, that she had been maltreated in her home country, and that these canine angels save them from this and give them a better life, fostered into a family home;loved, nurtured and taken care of as any pet should be, for the rest of their natural life.  I thought this was a rather touching subject and was impressed that there are people out there who do such acts of kindness for animals such as this.  So hence, this is how I met a dog from Romania.

Now, the second point is rather strange considering the costume Cherry was wearing – she had recently commissioned  a very bright egg-yolk yellow gown and floor length jacket from a very talented seamstress – and it was amazing that wherever Cherry was, she was always in view, like a mobile Belisha Beacon. 

However, we did get separated and one of the backstage crew found me and asked where Cherry was?  I looked around and realised that she was nowhere to be seen - for a split second of day-dreaming I had actually lost Cherry!!

Frantically, I started looking for Cherry, went into the auditorium to see if she was there, into the cafe, I even asked one of the theatre workers if they had they soon a 7ft tall drag queen dressed head to toe in yellow.  She looked blankly and said “not recently, no...”

Anyhow, I went backstage to say to the guys I couldn’t find her, when all of a sudden in her luminous glory, Cherry was stood in the wings, waiting to go on. The relief was immense, like having a big wee after a long journey on the motorway without any services...so all was right in the world.

And as usual I was on hand to rebuke any riposte that deserved to be rebuked, such as people calling Cherry “Sherry”, which is like a red rag to a bull to me...and for some unknown reason an ageing old bint with the tact of an armoured tank division sidled up to me and said, “Is that there the drag act that keeps dining out on the fact that she was once on “Britain’s Got Talent”??, to which I politely and firmly said, “No!”

“Oh that’s alright then,” she said. “This one’s much better, even if she is a bit cheeky!” and with a grin and a wave sidled off to find the rest of her senile delinquent friends.

The event was organised by Russell Nurding and supported the charities Cloud9 and Teckels.  Cherry and I hope that the charities go from strength to strength

Much love

M2D x x x

The Only Way is Cherry's

Cherry was invited to perform at Colchester’s only gay venue, The Vallies, at the beginning of March.  Let’s just say for all of its Olde Worlde charm, driving around Colchester with a frantic drag queen as a passenger at 9pm at night around an unknown one way system is not my idea of fun and a task not to be taken lightly – especially as I have the navigation skills of a dead homing pigeon and Cherry has the patience of a 7 year old on Christmas morning - not a good mix to have in an enclosed space...

Anyhow, I digress - we finally find the venue and the world seems a far nicer place. Cherry is less, well, if I use the term “frenzied” you would get the jist...but needless to say the best bit about The Vallies is the Daniels, a very accommodating couple of guys (not in the biblical sense but wouldn’t say no if asked as they are rather cute ...) both called Daniel, who actually manage the venue.  The one thing that I found really eye-catching about the venue was the innovative way that they advertised, by projecting approximately 25ft high poster-like images on to the side of the club – very Jean Michel Jarre.

Needless to say, the first thing that I appreciated was the fact that Cherry was allowed access to their apartment adjacent to the club, in order to get changed – this is a big thing as many a time Cherry and I have been stuck in a foetid pub urinal, trying to sort out Cherry’s tights without trying to kneel or step barefooted on a damp, newly pissed on floor, vying for space with the strippers, whilst trying to breathe in an atmosphere of oxygen, methane, Lynx and hair spray...believe me it has been known...

Although I have seen a few drag acts, the one thing different that I have noticed with Cherry is that from the time she is in the vicinity she is mixing with the patrons of the venue; even after her performance she will mingle, pose for photos and generally have a giggle until the bar closes – something that I think the club-goers like as well.

Also, the one thing that people should learn is that if you dare to try and upstage Cherry, she will wipe her arse with you – as some poor reprobate found out to his detriment when Cherry tried to make him dance topless as punishment for upstaging her.  If anyone does find the buttons from his shirt, please pass them on so he can repair it.  I am sure “monkey-boy” as he was so affectionately labelled, will know better next time.

Photo of Cherry Darling at The Vallies, courtesy of Jonathan Ballard

Thank You Fairy Much...

Once upon a time, a little girl was eagerly looking forward to her 7^th birthday party. She has created her ideal scenario...all her little friends have to come to her party dressed as princesses and in a community centre in the centre of Kidderminster, a transformation has occurred from a dreary magnolia municipal hall into a palatial wonderland for her special day. The castle turrets are in the back ground, the regal throne that the birthday princess sits on is in place and the parental minions are ushering food into place for this special day.  However, there was one thing this little girl really wanted – a fairy godmother is required to give out party bags to her princess friends as they leave the party – and it had to be no ordinary fairy godmother...it had to be Auntie Cherry...

Action stations!!!  Cherry took to this very seriously, the dress, the wings, the banter, and the worry of trying to be PC in front of lots of under ten year olds without saying “fuck” in front of them, played constantly on Cherry’s mind – it will be very difficult, but not impossible...

The dress - the little girl envisaged a blue dress...just like Cinderella’s fairy godmother, but unfortunately nothing of that ilk lies within Cherry’s boudoir (or our spare room as it’s generally known).  A dress is found, however, it was damaged during a ladies night in Worcester, where a male stripper with an off-the-wall dance routine paraded around with an oversized Chupa Chups lolly hanging from his Prince Albert – of course you cannot tell this to the little girl, just explain that a gang of magical mice are mending it as we speak – this appeases the little girl – as for the colour? “It will be sparkly!” announces Cherry – the little girl can’t wait to see it.

The wings – I envisaged a pair of wings that I bought from a toy store when I was looking for a costume at the 11^th hour – (I ended up wearing a pair of wings and a kilt and going as The Flying Scotsman (think about it...)) Unfortunately, these wings had been discarded in disgust by Cherry as they were far too small.  However, after much searching, and via the power of the internet, a pair of ethereal, wing-like appendages is found...in America.  The helpful lady on the other side of the pond has been told of Cherry’s plight – she starts to fashion a pair of wings and promises they will be with her by the deadline.  But, we have to point out that this person in the USA is crap at adding up and every time Cherry hears from her, the price has risen.  Cherry becomes mightily ticked off by the wing maker and threatens a very un-fairy god motherly plague of karmic evil upon her for causing these major problems, but the wing maker sees the error of her ways (and promises to buy a calculator) and the situation is placated and in turn prevents a large wooden structure from landing on her.  The wings arrive and are collected just in time for that special day.  They are two pieces of shimmering gauze draped from a wire contraption that attaches to the wearer via some strange machinations that also involve a bra.  Thankfully, Cherry wears one wherever she goes and the wings are attached and are kept in place – just!

The banter – I envisaged issues here - we’ll get back to this...

The big day arrives, the party is in full swing and Fairy Godmother Cherry is at home getting ready for the party.  The costume is in place – she is dressed, corseted, winged, wigged and goes out the door, only to realise that the front seat of your general 5 door hatchback car does not take into account the paraphernalia of a Fairy Godmother Drag Queen’s costume.  She gets in gingerly, but has to remove the wig in order to fully get in.  The wings are carefully tucked behind her and gathered up before the door is shut – Cherry has to sit rather awkwardly in order to not damage her wings. So, with Cherry fully in place in the passenger seat, looking extremely uncomfortable and having more than a passing resemblance of a transvestite Quasi Modo, we head off to the party.  But alas, there is more to this woeful tale.

We get to our destination and the party is in full swing – but the weather is not kind to us (i.e. it is pissing down).  The Heavens opened as soon as we arrive, but Fairy Godmother Cherry cannot enter the party looking like a drowned rat, but unfortunately there is no other choice but for Cherry (with wings) makes a mad dash for cover, hurling abuse at the weather, my parking, her wings, and all and sundry that is in hearing – the door opens and Fairy Godmother Cherry makes a very regal entrance.  The birthday princess is ecstatic that her special guest has arrived, whilst the other guests look on bemused, but then do take part in the fun. 

The Fairy Godmother takes part in their games, doing the hokey cokey with them, a dancing competition, where everybody got a prize – unfortunately the prize was left over party food, which went down with the young prize winners like a bacon sandwich at a synagogue.

It goes without saying that Operation Fairygodmotherdragqueen was a success...and I did hear a rumour that the Tooth Fairy is looking for someone to job share...

And the little girl had a great birthday party and she lived happily ever after.

The End

Cherry Does Leicester

Friday night (20 January 2012) was a major blast from the past for Cherry, as she did a gig in her home town of Leicester, in a bar that she used to trawl, herself, when she was young, free and rampant...actually the rampant is still very much there...

It was great to watch her just take to the stage (I say stage - it was a 6 inch high platform that Anne Boleyn had been previously beheaded on I think).  I was a little concerned to start off with because it didn’t look that full in the main area of the bar, however during the time she was on she had a throng of people around the stage, listening to her banter, being bitched at (ok, insulted...) and picking on people that she recognised from 20 years ago, and they had no idea who she was of course...Of course it was a gay venue and for Cherry this was the first time she had dipped her ruby slippered  toe in to the gay scene – and may I personally say I think she did a bloody good job of it too – even if I do say so myself – and I am rather biased.  Well, not totally – I think it is a great achievement when the crowd shout encore, which they did.  At least I think that’s what they shouted...

The Only Way is Cherry!!!

The one thing that I have always worried about with Cherry is that I want her to be liked by the audience; but as we all know, the audience is a very fickle mistress to please.   In the main, Cherry is a very affable and approachable character and she is really doing what a good comedy performer would do and create a rapport with the audience using “witty banter” as Cherry so succinctly puts it.  (OK, insulting people for the sheer hell of it, but that’s a perk of being a drag artist...) More to the point, the audience is also indulged when Cherry focuses on herself as the comedy element of the routine, inviting the audience to laugh at her and her antics.  Her looks, her stature, her background story, all of it is her own personal heckle to herself and suffice to say the audience are generally in hysterics during this - and that is how it should be - a sort of comedy payback to the audience for indulging her in her wicked banter. 

As mentioned before, the one thing you want to do for your loved ones in any situation is that you want to protect them from any adversity and I occasionally find it very difficult when Cherry does get this from an audience member, as my first instinct (as her partner) is to wade in with my size 12s and retaliate with a verbal shoeing and give the blinkered philistine a very big piece of my mind.  However, as Cherry quite rightly, and regularly points out, it is not good PR to do such things – so I end up smouldering with anger and willing for some negative karmic experience to fall upon the snotty little runt! 

However, over the years I have noticed how Cherry deals with these situations and must admit that she is right in what she does and in turn I have learnt how to deal with similar adverse situations.   I just wish I had learnt them sooner as it would have saved me from a lot of pain and suffering...

I have worked in the construction industry for nearly 25 years and it is probably one of the most difficult industries to work in as a gay guy - and for all the diversity laws, the training and policies put in place, there will always be a situation where these are of no benefit to you – however, legally they should be.  In a previous job, someone in an elevated management position thought it was ok for him to refer to my lifestyle in a derogatory manner and said a lot of hurtful things, all meant “as a joke”.  When I confronted HR about these issues I was politely told that I shouldn’t really take it to heart and it was really his style of humour – so being humiliated on a daily basis was ok without any retaliation.

After a while it got that constant that I dreaded going to work, couldn’t concentrate and even thought about attempting suicide – driving down the M42 waiting for the opportunity to plough into the central reservation and ending it all; not the nicest of thoughts, but having them really scared me.  Finally, I resigned - I tried to explain the reasons as to why, but even then nothing was fully taken into account apart from the main instigator saying, “It was only meant as a joke...”  What made me more angry was that I let it happen and develop, which in turn caused me to become ill and have time off with stress and major depression – it’s not a nice place to be and I vowed myself never to go back there, and thankfully I haven’t, thanks to Cherry.

I have always been told that I have a very pragmatic outlook on life, which I don’t think is a bad thing as it gives a good balance to the other half of the relationship with Cherry/Hubby who is generally out there in the galaxy thinking of higher things (his aspirations as an entertainer, how to achieve greater success, what colour sequined frock should be bought next - etc.) but having fully embraced “The Way of Cherry” I have a better outlook on life in general and the ability to deal with adverse situations calmly and to not take it personally and if all else fails be brave enough to retaliate using humour. 

After all, if all else fails, I do know a 7ft Amazonian drag queen who will do the job properly...you have been warned....